


I don't need your love (except that I really, really do)

by thunderingskies



Series: This place where we’re together is heaven [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Coming of Age, Cuddling & Snuggling, Developing Relationship, Drinking, Drunken Shenanigans, Falling In Love, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Jaemin and Hyuck are platonic soulmates, M/M, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-28 06:28:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20059546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderingskies/pseuds/thunderingskies
Summary: The only thing worse than being in love with your best friend is being in love withbothof your best friends- while they date each other.Jaemin is, in every sense of the word, doomed.Or: Jaemin realizes that he's in love with Jeno after Jeno starts dating Renjun.The problem intensifies when he realizes he's falling for Renjun, too, and everything spirals out of control.





	I don't need your love (except that I really, really do)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Ri who's listened to me talk about and helped me work on this fic for the last month. I've never worked so long and hard on a one-shot before, and I'm insanely proud of how it turned out. 
> 
> I hope that you enjoy!

It all begins during their first year of college.

Jaemin and Jeno have been friends for as long as Jaemin can remember. 

Really- his earliest memories are all sprinkled with bits and pieces of Jeno. 

Getting ice cream with Jeno and Jeno’s mother down at the park by Jeno’s house, passing notes at the back of the classroom and getting Jeno into trouble (somehow, Jaemin could always talk himself out of trouble- Jeno? Not so much), Jeno cuddling up with him in his bed even though they were both way too old to excuse it away when Jaemin’s parents were fighting and he just needed some comfort. 

Somewhere along the way they picked up Donghyuk- 50% hurricane, 50% human being, 100% Jaemin’s platonic soulmate. The three of them have been inseparable since- Donghyuk and Jaemin convincing Jeno to skip back in middle school so that they could hide out in Donghyuk’s mom’s apartment and play Mario Kart, Donghyuk getting into fights with assholes twice his size in high school when Jeno was much more built to do that but had the demeanor of a kitten and still hadn’t learnt to stand up for himself.

(It only took Donghyuk showing up with a black eye twice before Jeno’s protective instincts kicked in and well, it’s safe to say that he wasn’t bothered again).

The point is that Jaemin, Jeno and Donghyuk have been friends for a long time. It’s the kind of friendship that knits itself into the fabric of your own being, the kind of friendship that changes you for the better. Jaemin’s not sure where he would be, or who he would be without them.

It just makes sense for them to find a flat together when they head off to college- they’ve seen each other through all of their embarrassing firsts and practically live together already.

Jaemin doesn’t expect their friendship to ever change, and he certainly isn’t expecting it to grow when they step into their new apartment and Renjun crashes into their lives- quite literally.

(He’s running down the stairs while Jaemin is walking up and somehow, they end up in a heap on the floor at the bottom. Donghyuk is too busy laughing at them to help, and Jeno scrambles to try and untangle their wayward limbs. Jaemin couldn’t even find it in himself to be mad when he’d finally gotten a look at Renjun’s face and he’d seen his cute, bright smile and they all ended up breaking out in laughter).

That was about seven months ago.

Seven months of the four of them trying not to break the apartment (only Renjun and Donghyuk can work their way around the kitchen- it’s an even bigger disaster when their hyung Mark comes over and decides that he wants to try and help), of spending late nights sprawled out on the living room floor watching stupid movies, of whoever’s awake first making copious amounts of coffee to cope with their frequent all-nighters- just seven months of friendship.

It was all going well and fine until three months into that friendship, Jeno and Renjun started to date.

So the thing you have to know about Jaemin is that he’s an idiot.

(Well. Not _ really, _unless you’re asking Donghyuk, but-)

He doesn’t realize that he’s hopelessly in love with Jeno until he sees Jeno and Renjun holding hands walking through campus and it all just- it all just hits him like a freight train.

He’s in love with Jeno.

He’s in love with his dumbass best friend- he’s in love with the boy that he had to fight out of wearing sweatpants in high school, the boy who has to wear his lucky socks to a game because he’s sure he’ll lose otherwise.

The boy who always held Jaemin together when he was sure that he was going to fall apart at the seams.

He’s in love with Jeno- and now Jeno has a boyfriend. 

Fuck. 

Realizing that he’s in love with Jeno is sudden and simple: he loves him. Figuring out how to deal with that, how to get over it, when he literally _ lives with him? _

That’s the hard part.

Especially when it’s _ Renjun _that he’s with, because Jaemin likes Renjun. He’s funny and cool and cute and they deserve to be happy- even if it means that Jaemin isn’t. 

He decides in that moment, when Jeno looks up and spots him and waves him over, big smile on his face and Renjun laughs and blushes that- that he’s not going to do anything about it.

He went this long without being in love with Jeno- he can get over it, right?

Well. 

It’s now been four months since then, and you see, the problem is-

Jaemin isn’t over Jeno. 

Something far, far worse has happened.

Now, he’s not just in love with Jeno- but Renjun has wormed his way into Jaemin’s heart, too, and the only thing worse than being in love with your best friend is being in love with _ both _of your best friends- while they date each other.

Jaemin is, in every sense of the word, doomed.

* * *

“You take one more step, Lee Jeno, and I swear to God, I will end you.”

Jaemin looks at Jeno with wide, serious eyes, his stance defensive. He’d chance running if this were Renjun, or even Donghyuk- but Jeno’s reflexes are the fastest out of all four of them. His reflexes are faster than Jisung’s, probably, honed by too many years of playing Candy Crush on his phone even though _ everyone _knows the game’s mostly for forty year old soccer moms.

(He’s the only one who can beat Donghyuk’s Call of Duty records. Donghyuk is lucky it’s Jeno, the only one who won’t lord it over him.) 

Now, Jaemin’s future is in Jeno’s hands.

A bead of sweat drips down the nape of Jaemin’s neck and Jaemin resists the urge to push his freshly-dyed pink hair off his forehead, too nervous that as soon as he moves, it’s all over.

“Sorry, Nana,” Jeno says, voice even and sweet. A shiver shrills down Jaemin’s spine as he realizes what’s about to happen, far too late. “You should have started running five minutes ago.”

Jaemin drops to the floor and rolls out of the way but he can hear the sound his vest makes when Jeno shoots him- he runs off, disappearing behind a series of low walls designed for cover.

_ “Injunnie!” _ Donghyuk _ screams _from somewhere in the distance, the sound of howling laughter followed by lasers pinging ringing clearly all throughout the large, maze-like room. 

Whoever thought that they could handle laser tag was dead _ wrong. _

It’s not Renjun’s birthday, but it is if you ask the guy working behind the counter- Donghyuk’s show got them 15% off for the two hours that they’ve booked the laser tag arena. It’s their ‘mandatory monthly roommate bonding’ activity, a tradition that Donghyuk insisted upon in the first month after Jeno and Renjun started dating and Jaemin admitted to Donghyuk (tired, clingy, drunk and very gay) that he was worried that they might start growing apart now.

They’ve recruited a larger group for today, wanting to make the most out of the arena (and split the bill). The place they’ve wound up at is _ intense- _three floors, a series of walls and ledges and obstacles for them to jump into, run around and hide behind.

Jaemin counts the lights on the front of his vest, marking off how many times he’s been shot. There’s just two so far- one from Jeno, just now, and the other, right when they’d walked into the door, a cheap shot from Guanheng.

Footsteps to his right have Jaemin on high alert. He carefully peeks out from behind where he’s crouched behind cover, spotting a pair of bright yellow kicks. He _ thinks _he knows the owner of them- that’s confirmed when Renjun steps closer, hand clutched to his chest.

Jaemin sighs under his breath. Renjun looks extra-cute with his fluffy blonde hair.

(He _ already _looks cute all the time- can’t he spare Jaemin’s heart for like, one second? Please?)

Jaemin got pretty lucky with his team drawing straws. They split Donghyuk, Jaemin and Renjun onto one team and Jeno on the other (Jeno counts for at least three players whenever a sport is involved) and drew straws to pair up the remainder of the team.

So that means Jaemin’s team consists Renjun and Donghyuk (a combination that is both a blessing and a curse for Jaemin), along with Jaehyun and Yangyang. There’s also Yukhei, a friend of Donghyuk’s, who Jaemin can _ always _hear a mile away and shoots like a Stormtrooper, but somehow manages to dodge every shot sent his way.

The other team (that Jaemin is _ determined _to beat, after what happened a few months ago during a heated match of paintball), consists of Jeno, his older brother Doyoung, Taeil, Guanheng, and Kun. 

(Mark was supposed to come, but when he cancelled, Donghyuk showed up with Yukhei and Jaemin didn’t ask any questions). 

“Nana!” Renjun sighs in relief, hurrying over to where Jaemin is still crouched down, lost in thought. “I thought Doyoung-hyung was going to kill me right then and there. Oh my god, Nana, I had no idea that he was so _ competitive.” _  
“Runs in the family,” Jaemin says, smirking a bit. “He doesn’t seem like it on the surface, but he and Jeno are a lot alike.”

“Scary,” Renjun shivers, stepping closer to Jaemin.

It’s cute, how nervous and jumpy he gets playing games like this. He insisted on hanging out while Jaemin and Jeno played through _Left 4 Dead _last month even though he spent most of the time hiding against Jeno’s back.

(And, well, Jaemin can’t really complain, since it meant that he got to spend a few nights cuddling the two when Renjun got scared). 

It’s quiet.

_ Too _quiet. 

Jaemin’s pretty sure that he heard Yukhei chasing Kun up the stairs to the upper level, followed by Yangyang’s voracious laughter (all the international students know each other, Renjun had explained when they all started talking to each other excitedly in Mandarin upon arriving), and Jaehyun and Jeno are probably engaged in some sort of war in the basement. 

Renjun keeps talking away (a habit of his when he’s nervous), but Jaemin’s still got his head in the game. Now would be the perfect time to-

“No funny business!” Donghyuk shrieks as he pops up from behind a box, gun pointed straight at the duo.

Renjun _ screeches, _his voice nearly hitting Chenle levels as he dives straight for Jaemin, clings to his back and balls his fists in Jaemin’s sweater to keep himself steady.

“Oh, wait, it’s just you two.” Donghyuk lowers his weapon. “You’re safe. For now. Cling to your heart's content.” 

“Why _ laser tag?!” _Renjun whines, pressed right up to Jaemin’s back. Jaemin can feel his warm breaths against his neck, the way that his grip relaxes and he melts against Jaemin when he deems himself out of danger. “I suggested we go out and have a nice picnic, or to the beach-"

“Not having fun, birthday boy?” Jaemin teases, lips pulled into a smile.

Renjun knocks him in the hip with the butt of his gun.

(Jaemin had been quick to veto going to the beach anyway. He knows that there’s no way in _ hell _ that he could handle an entire day of Jeno prancing around on the beach without a shirt on, built like he’s been carved by the gods. He’d _ literally _combust.)

_ “Fifteen minutes remain!” _ A voice calls out from the loud speaker.  
“Fifteen _ more minutes?!” _Renjun sighs into Jaemin’s sweater, grip tightening.

Jaemin hopes that Renjun can’t feel how fast his heart is beating. Renjun just smells so _ nice. _

“How many times have you been hit?” He asks, and bites back the sigh of relief he feels at having Renjun out of his personal space when Renjun pulls back to check his vest. With time it only gets harder and harder to not lean into the affection he gets from Renjun and Jeno and do something that he’d definitely regret.

Renjun counts the little bars lit up on his vest. “Five times. Doyoung-hyung got me _ twice, _before he finally showed mercy and let me go. Kun-hyung and Guanheng each got me once too.” He pouts. “Jeno could have gotten me twice, but he only got me once. Then he kissed me instead. It was cute until Kun-hyung used that opportunity to shoot me.”

Jaemin can’t help but laugh. It’s weird- he probably should be feeling jealous (jealous of Jeno for kissing Renjun, jealous of Renjun for kissing Jeno, jealous of both of them for being _ together)- _but for some reason it just makes him feel fond, in a bittersweet sort of way.

(Feelings are confusing, alright?) 

“Hyuckie was very serious about his no couple PDA rule, especially when he found out that Doyoung-hyung was bringing Taeil even though they’re basically the most subtle couple ever,” Jaemin laughs.

Renjun nods in agreement. “Yeah. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen you kiss Hyuck more times than I’ve seen those two kiss.” 

Jaemin groans. “That was like, one time! Everyone gets drunk and kisses their friends sometimes. It’s whatever.” 

“You’ve never kissed me,” Renjun helpfully points out.

Of course he hasn’t.

Even when Jaemin had drunk-kissed Donghyuk, Jungwoo _ and _Yangyang that night, he’d kept his distance and feigned being dizzy and needing to sit down when he got too close to Renjun and Jeno. 

There’s just no way he could have done it.

No way he could have kissed them without revealing _ everything. _

(He still remembers Donghyuk kissing them both when he wouldn’t. Just little pecks- and all of them laughing after- but Jaemin just couldn’t do it. He has to keep his feelings close to his chest, and he knows that the second that he lets either of them kiss him that it’s game over. He can keep himself closed off and hide but being that vulnerable- it just can’t happen.

He’s not ready to lose it all.)

“Can’t have you knowing what you’re missing out on,” Jaemin jokes, deflecting. It almost scares him how good he’s gotten at this, at shoving his feelings away, locking them up and pretending that they don’t exist.

Renjun scoffs, opening his mouth to reply but thundering footsteps have them all on high alert.

Jaemin needs to get his head back in the game. He crouches down, feels Renjun’s hand on his back when he does the same, keeping close to Jaemin. 

The door at the end of the room bursts open, and from where he’s hiding Jaemin sees Yukhei dashing inside, both Jeno and Doyoung hot on his heels. He’s laughing that bright laugh of his, and out of the corner of his eye, Jaemin spots Donghyuk crouched down behind a short wall for cover.

“Yukhei!” Doyoung shouts as he chases after him, trying his best to hit him but to no avail. “You’re literally built like a tank, how are you so hard to _ hit-” _

“Hyung!” Jeno spins around a corner where he finds Donghyuk vaulting over an obstacle in an attempt to flee. “Hyuck is here too!”

“Not so fast!” It’s Jaehyun- he comes barreling in with Yangyang, aiming straight for Jeno.

Renjun clings tighter to Jaemin. “Maybe we should-”

“It’s over!” Kun and Guanheng appear out of _ nowhere _on Jaemin and Renjun’s other side, effectively trapping them in. “Five minutes left! Whoever gets hit the most buys sushi!”

“Get ready to buy lots, hyung, because I’m starving!” Yangyang takes off after Kun, laughing as they chase each other around the arena, yelling at each other in Mandarin. 

Doyoung and Yukhei are engaged in some sort of heated face-off, maneuvering through obstacles, Yukhei laughing when Doyoung gets frustrated that he keeps missing. 

Jeno chases after Donghyuk, heading right towards where Jaemin and Renjun are hiding. “I’m gonna make a break for it,” Jaemin whispers, lifting himself up on the balls of his feet.

“Nana,” Renjun whispers, clutching to Jaemin’s shirt. “I’m not fast enough.” 

(Jaemin’s breath hitches- he has _ no idea _what he’s doing to Jaemin’s heart right now-)

“I’ll distract Jeno. You make a break for it, okay?” He checks his watch, huffing. “There’s only five minutes left.”

“Nana, but-” Renjun tries, but as soon as he’s loosened his grip on Jaemin’s sweater, Jaemin’s jumping up and over the wall they were hiding behind, quickly lifting up his gun.

“Hyuck, duck!” Jaemin all but yells, finger on the trigger as Donghyuk drops to the ground like a sack of bricks. Jeno scrambles to hop over Donghyuk’s body and not trip, giving Jaemin the perfect opportunity to shoot him right in the chest.

Jeno’s vest lights up as the shot registers his first time being hit.

“Oh Nana.” Jeno’s face lights up with a smile and Jaemin knows that he is so, _ so _ fucked. “You are _ so _going down.” 

Jaemin barely makes it over another obstacle before Jeno’s shot him, but that’s not enough to satisfy him- he keeps chasing Jaemin until he catches him, wraps his arms around Jaemin’s waist and lifts him straight up into the air.

“Jeno!” Jaemin yells, breaking off into a laugh. Jeno’s far too strong for Jaemin to fight but he still tries, flailing around. “Put me down!” 

Jeno lets his feet touch the ground again but before Jaemin can breathe he descends upon him with tickles (he goes _ right _ for Jaemin’s ribs where he _ knows _that Jaemin’s the most ticklish, that brat-). Jaemin squirms and squeals but Jeno doesn’t let up, not until Jaemin sags to the ground and Jeno gently lowers him down.

“Tell me I’m the best if you want me to let go,” Jeno says, quietly in Jaemin’s ear. He’s too close, smelling of that damn cologne that Mark gave him for his birthday last year that he loves wearing and just so distinctly of _ boy _that it’s making Jaemin’s head spin. “Say it, Nana,” he repeats, one hand pressed to Jaemin’s hip, fingers splayed against Jaemin’s ribs, touch so warm that it just about burns.

“Jeno is the _ best,” _Jaemin says, voice exaggerated in that aegyo tone he uses when he wants to annoy Jeno, deflecting in the best way that he knows how. “The best and the strongest and the most handsome-”

Jaemin is finally released, Jeno stifling laughter against the back of his neck. 

“Caught you with your guard down.” Jaemin looks up to see Donghyuk looking _ gleeful, _gun pointed straight at Jeno. “Finally everyone will see that I’m the superior-”

_ “Time’s up!” _ The voice from the intercom calls, the light disappearing from the front of the guns.

Donghyuk gapes. “Are you fucking _ kidding me?!” _He whips around, stepping right into Yukhei, knocking himself completely off-kilter.

Yukehi reacts quickly (these damn athletic types), grabbing Donghyuk by the arms to catch him before he falls.

“Woah! Hyuck!” Yukhei smiles, warm and wide, as he straightens out Donghyuk in his arms.

Donghyuk looks more flustered than Jaemin thinks he’s ever seen him, knocking Yukhei with his shoulder as Yukhei laughs.

“I was this close to getting Jeno,” he pouts, kicking a scuff on the floor. 

Doyoung walks over and throws an arm around Donghyuk, grinning. “So, who’s buying sushi?”

Kun groans a he walks over, Yangyang hanging off one arm, Guanheng on the other. Jaemin counts the lights on his vest- a whopping _ dozen- _as he stands, Renjun letting out a big sigh of relief from behind him.

Jaehyun walks over and beams. “So, who’s up for lunch? All you can eat sushi.”

Jeno puts an arm around Jaemin’s shoulders at the same time as Renjun loops his arm with Jaemin’s, surrounding him with warmth. 

He’s never been more grateful for Donghyuk, who huffs and grabs Jaemin’s arm to tug him out. 

“No cuddling through a proxy, it’s still roommate bonding hours,” Donghyuk says, sticking his tongue out as he pulls Jaemin through the arena. 

Jaemin’s heart finally calms down a half an hour and a beer later, carefully positioned at the opposite end of the table away from Renjun and Jeno.

He packs away his feelings, puts on his best smile and lets himself get lost in the moment.

* * *

“It’s just. I like you and all, but I don’t think this is going to work out.” 

Jaemin stares at the boy in front of him. (His boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend?) 

Just… stares. Tries to process what’s going on, fails to compute. “I’m sorry, what?”  
“I think we should stop dating,” Dejun repeats, shrugging his shoulders. He’s sat the two of them down in a booth at Jaemin’s favourite cafe, an iced Americano pressed between Jaemin’s palms. “I mean- I like you, but I don’t think that either of us are into this as we want to be.” 

“Oh.” Jaemin blinks a few times, trying to sort out what exactly is happening. He and Dejun- a friend that Renjun had introduced him to, a student from the same exchange program from China as Renjun- had been sort of seeing each other for a month now, give or take. They’re both pretty busy and can’t spend too much time together, but Jaemin enjoys his company well enough. He’s pretty, funny, a good listener, and a great kisser. 

(He’s not Jeno and Renjun, but. It’s nice to feel some intimacy.) 

“Let’s just go back to being friends,” Dejun says, offering Jaemin a smile. “I think we work better that way anyway. It wasn’t that serious, but I kind of… I don’t know. I think there’s somebody else that you might rather be with.”

Jaemin is still processing. He’s never been dumped before. He’s broken up with a lot of people- he was a serial dater in high school, before he calmed down when he graduated and just stuck to his friend group. He’s only started dating again in the past four or so months (read: to try and get over They Who Shall Not Be Named) and nothing has stuck as long as Dejun.

But really, that’s because the two are well-matched friends, and Jaemin knows that. Most of the time they spend together is spent watching movies, or listening to music; they have similar tastes, and similar senses of humour. 

He’s being dumped but he can’t even find it in himself to really be upset about it. That’s bad, right?

“Yeah,” Jaemin says, finally finding his voice. “You’re right, I think. I’m sorry.” 

Dejun shakes his head, reaching over to squeeze Jaemin’s shoulder. “Don’t be sorry! It can’t be easy, you know…” He trails off, and when Jaemin doesn’t pick up on it, he clears his throat awkwardly. “Being like. In love with your best friend?”

Jaemin makes a face. He gets this a lot- that’s just what happens when you have a friendship where you spend half of your time together naked and have absolutely no boundaries. “What? I’m not in love with Donghyuk.”

“No,” Dejun laughs, but it’s not in a mocking way. No, it’s more like he’s seeing right through the act that Jaemin is always putting up- sees through his facade right down to who he is underneath it all. “I’m not talking about Hyuck.” 

It suddenly feels a lot like all the air’s been sucked out of Jaemin’s lungs.

He’s gone _ months _ now without anyone finding out. He’s kept the secret tucked in close next to his heart, right where he knows that it’s safest. Nobody has figured it out- not even _ Donghyuk _has noticed.

(But then, Jaemin has also gone to lengths to make sure it’s hidden from him especially.) 

“How did you-?” he starts, because he can’t say anything else out loud. He can’t speak it into the universe, can’t breathe life into it or else it becomes _ real. _

Dejun squeezes his shoulder again, grounding Jaemin back to reality. He resists the urge to take Dejun’s hand and hold it- they’re _ broken up _ now or whatever, even though that feels weird to say- “You talk a lot when you get wine drunk. It’s cute.”

It only feels a little bit like Jaemin’s world is closing in on him- only a little like everything is collapsing from the outside in. This is fine.

“What did I say?” He asks, almost afraid to hear the answer. His stomach twists and his usual Americano looks highly unappealing right now. He would definitely prefer to maybe just bury himself out in the dirt.

“You didn’t say a lot, don’t worry. Just- just kind of went on about how cute _ he _is.” Dejun laughs “And there was a whole tangent about foreheads? And something about cuddle sandwiches. I mean I was pretty drunk too so I don’t remember the details. But it was harmless, don’t worry.”

Jaemin drops his head down on the table with a loud _ thunk, _buries his face against the sleeves of his sweatshirt. He’s not sure what to feel right now- mortified? Terrified? Anxious?

It’s a little like every emotion he’s ever felt all balled up into one big knot in the pit of his stomach.

Oh god, what if Dejun _ tells Renjun- _

“Please don’t say anything,” Jaemin mumbles to his arms more than anything else. His entire face is burning up, he can feel it. “It’s really not that big of a deal.”

“Jaemin.” Jaemin doesn’t respond, Dejun carefully settling his hand on top of Jaemin’s arm. “Nana. Relax, okay? I’m not going to out you. I just hope you can figure it out so that you can be happy too.”

Cautiously Jaemin looks up, and trusts the look on Dejun’s face. It’s relaxed and sympathetic. It helps a little to loosen up the anxiety clawing at Jaemin’s nerves, allowing it to soften and settle.

“Sorry,” Jaemin repeats, because he feels like he should.

Dejun his rolls his eyes, and like that it’s like they snap back to how they normally act around each other- smart and sassy. “No more sorries, okay? That look doesn’t suit you. Besides, don’t think that this break-up means that you’re getting out of bingeing the rest of _ Naruto _with me, because it absolutely does not.”

Jaemin sighs. “Even the fillers?”

Dejun nods very seriously. “Even the fillers.”

Jaemin shuts the door to his apartment with a huff, taking in a deep breath of air.

“Nana? You home?” Renjun’s voice filters in from the living room and Jaemin stiffens.

The past few months he’s been able to bury his feelings, been able to keep them hidden by ignoring them entirely. He hasn’t admitted that they exist- but now that they’ve been dug up, all he feels is _ raw. _

He needs a good cuddle and he needs it right now.

“Nana?” It’s Jeno this time, and it’s muscle memory for Jaemin to toe off his shoes and drop his bag by the door (Donghyuk will get annoyed it’s not put away, but that’s nothing new), dragging his feet all the way to the living room.

Jeno and Renjun are curled up on the couch, Renjun snuggled up beneath all the layers of Jaemin’s comforter. He has the softest one and Renjun has a bad (although calling it ‘bad’ is laughable) habit of stealing it from Jaemin’s bed whenever they want to watch movies on the couch and it seems like that’s what the plan was for today- some movie that Jaemin’s never seen is playing on their projector, Korean subtitles flashing along the bottom. Renjun’s half on Jeno’s lap, Jeno’s hands carding through his hair absent-mindedly.

Jaemin doesn’t even think, just lets his body move on its own. Makes his way over to the couch and collapses on top of it- winds up half on top of Renjun, half curled up on the side of the couch cushion, burying his face in the blankets.

“Nana?” Jaemin feels a hand pressed to the crown of his head and he doesn’t need to look to know that it’s Jeno, touches soft and careful. 

God, Jaemin is so, so fucked.

“Bad day?” He asks, knowing better than to ask something like ‘what’s wrong?’. Fuck him and his next-level understanding of Jaemin and how to treat his moods.

Rather than answer, Jaemin curls further in on himself, fists curling in the blankets. He’s not sure if he should stay- being so close to Jeno and Renjun kind of makes him want to collapse, but he still feels drawn to them, like a moth to the flame. He only now realizes how stupid he was to still indulge in their friendship when he was trying to get over them- how the hell was he supposed to get over them when he gets to experience how good it feels every time that they touch him?

Renjun shifts a little under him, arms slipping around Jaemin’s waist to draw him up and move him where he wants to go. Jaemin lets him (because who is he to refuse when it’s Renjun?), and finds himself shifted between Renjun and Jeno, blankets curled around his shoulders.

It’s his favourite place to be- feels so good and right and like _ home _that Jaemin sinks right down into it.

When this started becoming home, he’s not so sure- but all he knows is that it is, in every sense of the word.

Jeno presses a kiss to the top of his head (he hates intimate skinship like that but he knows that Jaemin and Donghyuk both love it so he _ does it anyway) _and Renjun hugs Jaemin’s middle, resting his chin on Jaemin’s shoulder. He smells nice (Renjun always does- his cologne soft and sweet and homey) and Jaemin closes his eyes, pressing his face against Jeno’s chest, leeching his warmth. Renjun falls in with him, snug against Jaemin’s side, heartbeat faint against Jaemin’s back.

Jeno doesn’t need to ask if Jaemin wants to stay- just leans back into the couch and lets the movie resume playing. Jaemin’s not sure when it stopped but honestly, he doesn’t really care. The background noise helps to soothe some of his thoughts as he tries to unpack what the hell happened today. 

So, Dejun figured it out. Or, well, he knows that Jaemin feels something for Jeno or Renjun, he never specified which, but now that someone else knows it’s like Jaemin’s feelings have taken on a whole new life and have started to sprout into something that he can’t contain, wrapping themselves around every inch of his skin, settling deep into his bones.

Renjun slips a hand down to the small of Jaemin’s back, pressing the heel of his palm to Jaemin’s bare skin and the shiver that trills up his spine is damn near chilling.

He loves Jeno and Renjun.

He _ loves _Jeno and Renjun.

Shit.

What the fuck is he going to do?

Jaemin sighs, letting one arm loop around Jeno’s waist, the other tangling up with Renjun’s to hold on to. He can feel the way that it makes Renjun smile, pressed against Jaemin’s shoulder.

Jeno rests his chin on top of Jaemin’s head, humming softly as he gets comfortable.

He can deal with his feelings later, probably. Right now, it just feels good to let himself be cuddled.

Jaemin has always liked skinship and they’ve always been touchy, which is nice in moments like this- it’s not out of character for him to climb onto the couch and cuddle with any of his friends, and this is the best way to do it. Being cuddled in between two warm bodies (especially when it’s Jeno and Renjun), just surrounded by warm, familiar scents that make him feel good. Safe.

Time bleeds away, all the muscles in Jaemin’s body relax, a warmth settling across his limbs. Renjun traces nonsense patterns along the skin of Jaemin’s forearm, relaxing him with touch.

“I got dumped,” Jaemin says at last, sighing softly. It doesn’t hurt that badly to say, but he can hear how small his voice sounds- hopefully Jeno and Renjun think that’s the real reason for his mood.

Renjun’s hand stills on Jaemin’s arm for the barest of moments before he resumes his ministrations- too quickly for it to be anything. “What happened?”

“Just didn’t work out,” Jaemin says, tucking himself a bit better against Jeno. “We’re better off as friends. It’s fine, really, just- kind of sucks, you know? Makes me wonder if there’s like- a reason why it’s not working out for me. Like if something’s wrong with me, I guess.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you,” Renjun assures him, voice soft and sweet like honey. “It’ll happen, Nana. Probably when you least expect it.” He presses a kiss to the side of Jaemin’s face and Jaemin sighs, relaxed and content.

And that’s just the thing- it’s so easy, loving Jeno and Renjun. It’s easy because they already fit so well together.

If only it wasn’t destined for failure.

He pushes all those thoughts away for now- he can deal with it later. For now, he gets the chance to be here and enjoy the sliver of Jeno and Renjun that he’s allowed to have- and he intends on enjoying it for as long as he can.

He’s not sure how long he stays there, dozing. Renjun and Jeno alternate between stroking his hair, the occasional laughter spilling from Jeno’s chest the only thing that keeps Jaemin from really falling asleep.

Jaemin’s phone vibrates against his hip and he dutifully ignores it. It vibrates a few more times, which isn’t concerning- until the vibrations don’t stop, a barrage of text messages designed to get his attention. 

There’s only one person who texts him like that.

Jaemin wiggles his way out of the blankets to dig out his phone, which lights up with messages.

**From: ☀️ HYUCKIE**

_ NANA 911 _

_ NANA _

_ NANA _

_ don’t forget october 7th _

_ you still owe me you dumb bitch _

_ COME AND SAVE ME PLEASE _

_ NANA I NEED YOU _

_ I’LL LOVE YOU FOREVER _

_ PLEASE _

_ 911 _

_ 9 _

_ 1 _

_ 1 _

_ N _

_ A _

_ N _

_ A _

_ !!! _

Jaemin frowns.

Now, it’s not unlike Donghyuk to text Jaemin incessantly, wanting his attention- he does it all the time- but the 911 is important. Donghyuk has only ever used it once before, when he needed Jaemin to come and pick him up when a guy was getting too handsy for him to deal with and he needed an out. So even though he still feels a little like shit, he wiggles himself out from underneath Renjun, suddenly feeling a lot more alert as he pulls up Donghyuk’s contact in his phone.

Renjun looks at him, puzzled. “Nana?”

He clears his throat and tries his best to shoot Jeno and Renjun his all-encompassing, captivating smile, hoping that he throws them off his tracks.

“I’m fine, really. Sorry, it’s- it’s Hyuckie? I think he needs me to go get him.” He stands up on legs shaky from sitting for so long.

“Everything okay?” Jeno asks, sitting forward a bit. He’s always been a little extra protective of Donghyuk, who was always smaller but a lot feistier which resulted in a lot of fights when they were younger. It’s cute how he still wants to take care of his friends, Jaemin thinks.

Instead of saying that, he says, “I think so. I’ll text you, okay? Don’t wait up.” He takes a step back and bites back a grimace with what he realizes. “Sorry I um, crashed your date.”

Jeno waves him off. “Don’t be! We have boring people dates anyway. Text if you need anything?”

“Yeah, sure.” Jaemin’s heart lurches as he watches Renjun readjust back to where he was cuddling Jeno before, fixing the blankets back up- almost like Jaemin was never there at all. “See you.”

Before he spills everything he turns on his heel and leaves, just barely remembering to grab his keys on his way out.

* * *

Jaemin brings the phone to his ear, clears his throat and prepares his best whiney voice.

Donghyuk picks up the phone on the second ring, voice a little strained in Jaemin’s ear. “Nana?”

_ “Hyuck,” _he starts, really laying it on thick, voice heavy with emotion. He’s always been a great actor. “Hyuck, where are you? I need help right now.”

“Nana? I’m, um- I’m at the campus bar,” Donghyuk says, voice pitched off a bit at the end to sound worried.

Jaemin takes the stairs down to the lobby of their apartment building two at a time. “I’m sorry, but I need you to come home. Please,” he says, surprising even himself with how legitimately sad that he sounds. Fuck, is he really that good of an actor or are some of his real feelings starting to bleed out?

“I’m coming,” Donghyuk says, clearing his throat. His voice lowers a bit in volume, muffled as if he’s covering the receiver. “Sorry, I have to go- it’s Jaemin, he needs me. It sounds serious. I’m sorry.”

Jaemin pushes out of the building, digging out his wallet for his bus pass. “I’ll meet you at the park,” he says quietly, just for Donghyuk.

“Yes, yes, I’ll be right there. Okay? Just wait for me.” With that Donghyuk ends the call, and Jaemin really has to commend himself a little. He’d sounded so legitimate that he almost started believing it himself. 

Ten minutes after Jaemin makes it to the park and sits down on one of the swings, Donghyuk shows up. He’s definitely _ not _wearing the right clothing for this weather- it’s getting later and it’s windy, yet he’s walking around in a t-shirt, shoulders hunched as he tries to keep himself warm.

“Dumbass,” Jaemin says in lieu of a greeting, opening his arms for Donghyuk to barrel into them.

It’s a little awkward, Jaemin still sitting on the swing as he is, but Donghyuk’s never been one to let _ awkward _stop him from doing anything. He huffs against Jaemin’s neck, arms still wrapped around his own body.

“I forgot my jacket inside, and- and I couldn’t just go back and get it.” He shivers, tucking himself in more properly to leech off of Jaemin’s warmth.

“Are you okay?” Jaemin asks, because he’s worried- Donghyuk never uses the 911. 

“Yes.” Donghyuk pulls back from Jaemin and chews on his lower lip. His silver hair (which Renjun had dutifully dyed for him two nights ago, when he declared suddenly that he _ needed a change) _falls into his eyes, and he blows it away. “No. Physically? Yes. Mentally? No. I’m freezing though, so can we please leave?”

“Yeah.” Jaemin gets to his feet, loops his arm with Donghyuk’s to walk back to the bus stop. “Nice acting on the phone.”

“I should be saying that to _ you,” _Donghyuk says, sounding a little incredulous. “If I didn’t know better, I’d have thought you were about to burst into tears. Your Oscar is in the mail.”

Jaemin laughs because he’s supposed to. 

Thankfully the bus saves him from having to respond to that and they hurry into the bus, piling into a seat in the back. Donghyuk’s still cold so Jaemin takes both of his hands between his own palms to warm them up. 

Donghyuk watches him, sighing softly under his breath. “I fucked it, Nana. I really did. I was out on a date with Yukhei and I saw _ him _ and- and I still _ like him _ but I was with Yukhei and… and I don’t know what to _ do.” _

There’s a lot to unpack here. Jaemin starts with, “you were on a date with Yukhei?”

“Yes, keep up Nana,” Donghyuk affirms. There’s no bite to his words, just a heavy exasperation at his own situation, so Jaemin lets it slide. “But I don’t think I’m over him.”

“Him?” Jaemin pauses, blinks, and it all clicks into place at once, the realization heavy. “Oh, _ Hyuckie. _You still like Mark-hyung?”

Donghyuk whines and that’s all the answer that Jaemin needs.

Everything just got a lot more complicated.

(Donghyuk’s had a crush on Mark for years. They’ve known him since high school- as long as Donghyuk’s liked boys, he’s liked Mark Lee. Mark Lee, their hyung who’s far too oblivious to ever notice Donghyuk’s crush. Mark Lee, who Donghyuk declared he’d get over so that he didn’t potentially ruin their friendship with his feelings.)

Jaemin pauses, trying to sort everything out in his brain. “Wait, so do you like Yukhei?”

Donghyuk shrugs, breaking eye contact. “He’s just-”

“- don’t you _ dare _just say ‘he’s nice’-”

“-but he is!” Donghyuk pouts. Damn him and his puppy dog eyes. “Yukhei is just... Nice. He’s nice. And it was nice feeling wanted by someone, and now- now everything is all _ messed up _ because I like both of them and I don’t know what I want.” Donghyuk picks at his nails until Jaemin pinches his thigh to get him to stop. Jaemin’s kept Donghyuk’s nails nice for the last twelve years and he is _ not _ about to let some dumb-ass love triangle between a Korean, a Canadian and a Chinese boy break his streak- fuck _ no. _

“What am I gonna do, Nana?” Donghyuk sighs, dropping his head down on Jaemin’s shoulder, pressing against him like a puppy asking for affection. Jaemin obliges, scratching at the nape of his neck in the way that he always loves.

“I was thinking we could probably get drunk and take a bath?” Jaemin shrugs. “My mom sent me a care package last week and she put in two of those bath bombs that you like so much. That usually works for us, right?”

Donghyuk smiles, pressing his face against Jaemin’s shoulder. “That sounds fucking perfect. Let’s go home.”

_ Home. _  
Home, where Renjun and Jeno are probably still cuddled up on the couch, _ under Jaemin’s comforter- _

_ “No,” _ he insists quickly, almost panicked. He doesn’t want to go home- _ can’t. _ Not right now, not when he needs to tell Donghyuk everything and he can't risk doing that with Jeno and Renjun in the next room. “Anywhere but home.”  
“What?” Donghyuk frowns as he pulls his head up, the bus lurching as it stops. “Why can’t we go home?”

“We just- we just _ can’t. _I’ll tell you everything later but please, anywhere but home.” Jaemin looks over at Donghyuk and doesn’t need another moment to pass- Donghyuk nods and gets it. Jaemin lets out a sigh of relief.

“Okay, well, um… I have the keys to Taeyong-hyung’s place. He asked me to water his plants while he’s out of town. We could go there?” Donghyuk suggests, reaching down to thread his fingers with Jaemin’s.

Jaemin looks at him, scandalized. “Why didn’t you say anything earlier?!”

“Well I didn’t know you were so desperate to sleep in someone else’s bed! Really, Nana, we need to have a talk about your kinks.” Jaemin’s building a scathing reply in his head but the bus comes to a halt and Donghyuk stands up, tugging Jaemin out of the bus by the hand. “Come on, if we’re getting through tonight we’re going to need a lot more wine.”

They stop by the convenience store and pick up a box of white wine since they’re classy like that, Donghyuk digging through his backpack for cash because it’s his turn to buy. Jaemin sneaks some snacks into the order too, and it goes to show that Donghyuk’s either concerned enough about himself or about Jaemin that he doesn’t even comment on it. 

It’s weird going into their apartment building but getting off of the elevator at a different floor. Taeyong is their hyung and neighbour that Jaemin and Donghyuk know through a dance group they participate in. Donghyuk digs out Taeyong’s keys, a pink lanyard with three keys on it and a little cat keychain to unlock the door.

It’s quiet inside, neither Taeyong nor his roommate home. 

“Why did hyung ask _ you _to water his plants?” Jaemin muses, dropping down their bags on Taeyong’s kitchen counter. The whole house is clean and tidy, a serious of well-kept plants lining the island near the kitchen. 

“Because I’m his favourite dongsaeng, obviously,” Donghyuk smirks. Before anything else he picks up the watering can left under the sink and dutifully waters a few of the plants. “This one only needs a little bit of water, but this one, Taeyong-hyung said gets thirsty.”

Jaemin rolls his eyes, digging the box of wine out of one of their bags. "Do you know where he keeps the glasses?"

"Oh, we're going fancy tonight?" Donghyuk looks back at Jaemin and grins, finishing with his watering so that he can rummage around in the cupboards until he finds the wine glasses. He plucks out two while Jaemin opens up the box of wine with a little bit too much skill.

Once their glasses are full of cheap wine and they've both kicked off their shoes next to the front door ("Taeyoung-hyung _ will _kill us if we track dirt all over his apartment,") Jaemin holds up his glass. "What are we cheersing to?"

Donghyuk huffs a laugh. "To feelings being a fucking joke and complicated as fuck?"

The irony of it all, Jaemin thinks.

"I'll cheers to that." He clinks his glass against Donghyuk's and takes a nice big swig of his wine. It's a little sweet but settles warm and nicely in his stomach, helping to ease some of the tension that he's been carrying on his shoulders.

Donghyuk winds his arm with Jaemin's and pulls him further into the apartment, box of wine in tow. They collapse down into a heap on the couch, Jaemin just narrowly missing spilling wine on Taeyong's carpet.

"Nana," Donghyuk starts, sighing into his glass of wine. "Nana, I think I've really fucked things up this time."

Jaemin frowns. It's not usual to see Donghyuk like this- so dull and stressed, his normal light of energy so dim. Jaemin hates it.

"Talk to me, Hyuckie," he says, pulling Donghyuk closer to cuddle him. "What happened?"

Donghyuk is warm and pliant, always ready to accept affection. "I was... Well. Over the last couple of weeks.. you know, I've been seeing Yukhei?"

Jaemin looks at him, eyes wide with curiosity. "You've been... seeing him? Like. You're dating?"

"No," Donghyuk says, shaking his head. "Not really dating, like- it's just been casual. We're just... We get along well and we have been spending a lot of time together. He's really easy to be with? He likes me, and he's not afraid to show that, and it's just. He's good to me, he pays a lot of attention to me and- I don't know what to call it, and… yeah. I don’t know.”

"Okay," Jaemin says, petting through Donghyuk's hair. "You know, that's totally fine."

"I _know, _it's been great and I have enjoyed it and all, but- the problem is that I'm still not over Mark." Donghyuk finishes off his first glass of wine and Jaemin reaches for the box to refill it.

It's going to be a long night.

"I thought- you know, maybe if I was with Yukhei that my feelings for Mark would like, go away? Or that being with Yukhei would just stay casual and that would be that. But... Oh, Nana, I am so fucked. I am so, so, _ so _fucked." He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

Jaemin's not sure that he's ever seen his friend so _ worried, _and that scares him. "Hyuckie?"

"I was out with Yukhei tonight, and- and it was fine, you know? We were having a good time... Dancing and having some drinks. Yukhei was a little drunk, and he gets kind of, like, clingy? Not in a weird way or anything, just- he likes to hold my hand and hug me and stuff. It's cute. It's usually fine, but we were out and then... Mark showed up."

A beat of silence passes before Donghyuk continues. "He was just _ there _ and Yukhei was attached to me and- and I just kind of had this moment where I realized that I don’t know if I want Mark to see me with Yukhei... but that's also so terrible to Yukhei and I _ like him too, _Nana. I like Yukhei too. I like Mark and I like Yukhei and I'm probably going to hell because I have no fucking clue what to do about any of this."

Jaemin chooses his next words carefully. "Hyuck, aren't Mark and Yukhei-"

"-Roommates, yeah. Yeah, they're roommates." Donghyuk drops his head in his hands. "I've really fucked it now, Nana. Why couldn't I just be a fucking normal person and get over Mark by trying to date some random stranger? Not his _ roommate. _Saying it out loud just makes it sound so much worse. I'm a terrible person and I know it."

"Hey," Jaemin says, shaking his head. "You are not a terrible person. Feelings are fucking complicated, and you can't control them. You wanna hear something fucked up?"

The words are burning on the tip of Jaemin's tongue, just begging to be let loose into the world.

Donghyuk nods. "Please. I need something to help ground me to the fact that I am but a tiny miserable speck of a human in this universe and ultimately, my problems are meaningless."

Jaemin laughs, and then it just- it just comes out.

The secret he's spent months guarding, months keeping. The secret that he was too scared to tell- it falls from his lips and just like that, it's out in the open.

"I like Jeno and Renjun," he says, and like that- it’s done.

It's the first time he's ever said it _ out loud. _

(It sounds even more pathetic than he thought it would.)

For a long moment, Donghyuk doesn't say anything. He's probably trying to figure out if Jaemin is joking or not- granted, that would be a strange thing to make a joke out of, but it's also an insane thing to admit if it's true. Jaemin stares resolutely at the carpet, too afraid to look up, too afraid of the look that Donghyuk might be giving him.

"You... you like Jeno and Renjun?" Donghyuk asks, voice unreadable. "As in... Lee Jeno and Huang Renjun. As in our roommates. You like _ like _ them?”

"I actually think that I might be in love with them." Jaemin stares down at his wine, watches a bead of condensation drip down the side of the glass.

"Oh." Donghyuk's voice is still unreadable, but Jaemin finally works up the courage to look at him and- oh, oh he looks so soft, so surprised and so _ sympathetic. _ "Oh, Nana. Since when?" The thing about Donghyuk is that he’s quick-witted and sarcastic, sure, but he’s also one of the most caring people that Jaemin knows. As soon as he can tell how serious Jaemin is he adapts, shifts closer and lays his hand on top of Jaemins. “Or did you always-?”  
“Um. I think always? But I didn’t realize until three months ago.” Jaemin clears his throat. “Uh, February twenty-first, at like. One thirty two in the afternoon? Give or take a few minutes.”

Donghyuk just stares at him. Jaemin can feel all the jokes that Donghyuk wants to make begging to fall from his tongue at the fact that Jaemin _ literally remembers the exact moment _ he realized he was hopelessly and irrevocably screwed, but Donghyuk bites them back. Jaemin appreciates the effort. 

He’s lucky to have such good friends. 

“Around when… Jeno and Renjun started dating?” Donghyuk tilts his head a little bit and Jaemin nods. “Oh, Nana. Oh, honey, why didn't you ever tell me?"

Jaemin chokes on a laugh. "I don't know. I was an idiot. I thought that I could make them go away if I ignored them for long enough." 

Donghyuk nods, looking pensive. "And did it work?"

The question is almost funny.

"No."

It didn't work at all. Instead of his feelings getting snuffed out, crushed under the heel of his boot they had time to grow and evolve and _ change, _becoming something bigger than he ever thought possible- more than he’s ever felt before.

(He's not sure he's ever wanted to throw around the word _ love _before, but, when it's Jeno and Renjun he's thinking about, it's the only one that fits the way that he feels.)

There isn’t really anything to say. His feelings are futile. 

After all, Jeno and Renjun are dating each other.

There’s no place for Jaemin there.

(Who falls in love with two people, anyway? What’s wrong with him? Where does he get off thinking he deserves to harbour these feelings- this _ love- _for both Jeno and Renjun?)

Rather than say anything at all, Donghyuk reaches for the wine and pours them both another big glass.

The wine disappears too quickly then- between Donghyuk whining about how cute Mark looked in his glasses and how good it feels to have Yukhei cuddling him to Jaemin finally, _ finally _getting to complain about how Jeno and Renjun make him feel. And since it's been on his mind for so long with no release, now that he's admitted his feelings, it's like the flood gates have been opened and there's no stopping him now.

"You know that thing, Jeno does when he laughs? That thing with his eyes?" He huffs angrily. "It's so fucking cute. I hate it so much. Where does he get off being that cute?"

Donghyuk laughs, nodding his head. "God, I understand. You know, Mark makes this really stupid face when he zones out. It's so cute that it makes me mad." 

Jaemin nods, finishing off another glass of wine. They're disappearing quickly now, soaking up all the worries burning in his stomach. "You know what time it is now, Hyuckie?" Jaemin stands on wobbly legs, offering his friend a hand to stand up. "It's time for a bath."

Donghyuk lights up, taking Jaemin's hand to rush to his feet. "I like the way that you think. Fuck angsting over stupid boys and their stupid cute faces.”

Jaemin and Donghyuk have an interesting relationship, to say the least.

A lot of people just don’t understand it. The amount of times that they've been asked if they're dating is staggering, but things for them have never been anything other than platonic.

That being said, they do spend a lot of time in each other's company naked.

Donghyuk kicks off his jeans as soon as they step into the bathroom while Jaemin pulls back the curtains to the bathtub and fiddles with the tap until he figures out how to get it started. (Yes, maybe it should be weird that they're using Taeyong's bathtub while he's not here- but he won't mind. It's _ Taeyong, _the man is a certified saint.)

Halfway through wrestling off his shirt, Donghyuk stops and pouts. “Wait, what about the bath bomb?”

"Fuck. Uh, next time, okay?" Jaemin plugs the tub to get it to start to fill, checking the temperature of the water.

"Fine." Donghyuk tosses his shirt on the floor on top of his jeans. "But you better not use it without me or I'm suing.”

Jaemin snorts and balances the box of wine on the counter (because yes, it needs to be within arms reach at all times). Donghyuk slips into the bath first, making a pleased noise of content when he feels the temperature.

"Good?" Jaemin asks, pulling his shirt over his head. He makes quick work of the rest of his clothes when he sees Donghyuk's nod, glad that Taeyong's got a big enough bathtub for both boys to fit in pretty easily.

"This is perfect." Donghyuk pauses to sip his wine. "Okay, Nana, I have to ask. How can you still like Jeno after what happened in the fourth grade?”

In the fourth grade, Jeno went an entire week without showering. It took a lot to suss out that he’d had a dream involving the shower and was too scared to use it. They’d compromised by having one of them sit in the room while he showered until he got used to it again.

(Yes, he’s weird. But Jaemin likes weird- okay?)

"I just- I don't know! I never thought about Jeno dating anyone. I didn't think about him dating me, either, not until I saw him with Renjun and it was too late but I just can’t get _ over _them.”

“So you like both of them? Donghyuk asks, voice nothing but open- curious. He’s not judging, something that Jaemin’s eternally grateful for. 

(He could deal with other people judging him- but his best friend? His soulmate? He’s not sure he could handle that). 

“Yeah.” Jaemin’s voice is quiet, thoughtful. He knows that this isn’t normal. He knows that it’s weird and probably _ wrong, _but he can’t help the way that he feels. “I really do, Hyuckie.”

Donghyuk nods slowly, thinking. "You know what we need, Nana? I think we need an adult."

"We are adults, Hyuckie," Jaemin laughs.

"No, we need an adultier adult- someone who's better at adulting than us. I know just who we need, okay?" Donghyuk fumbles around in his pile of clothes for his cell phone, the water in the tub sloshing around as he does. Jaemin grumbles when he just about gets kneed in the ribs, whining, annoyed. Donghyuk doesn't seem to notice, or care- he just settles back in next to Jaemin, taking his arm to move it where he wants it to go so that he's more comfortable.

"Who are you calling?" Jaemin asks, trying to read the words on Donghyuk's screen but he keeps his brightness so damn low that Jaemin can't make out what it says.

A video chat pops up, the telltale ringing as the call tries to connect. Donghyuk adjusts his phone, props it up on the edge of the tub, but it's still very clear from the image of them on the screen that they're very much naked.

The call connects and a fuzzy Kun shows up on the screen. As soon as he registers what's going on- his eyes go wide and he groans. "Jaemin? Hyuck? What the hell, why are you calling me from the bathtub!"

"Oh, shit, wrong contact. Sorry hyung!" Donghyuk grabs his phone and almost drops it in the tub as he tries to end the call. (Kun probably gets an unwanted bit of a show then, but Donghyuk ignores his questions and protests as he ends the call.)

Take two proves more successful as the call connects, and a tired-looking Jungwoo pops up on the screen.

"Hyuckie?" Jungwoo rubs at his eyes, blonde hair pushed off his forehead. It looks like he'd been sleeping- Jaemin registers, belatedly, that he has absolutely no idea what time it is. "Wait, Jaemin? What the fuck? Why are you two in the bath? I thought you weren't dating?"

"We're not," Donghyuk insists, waving his hands in front of his face.

"Wait, is that Taeyong-hyung's bathtub?"

Jaemin pauses. Wait. "How do you know what Taeyong-hyung's bath tub looks like?"

Jungwoo freezes. Seems to consider his options, and chooses: "If you don't have to tell me why you're there, then I don't have to answer that question either." 

"Alright. Fair." Jaemin takes a deep breath in- glad that Donghyuk had picked Jungwoo. Out of all of their circle of friends, he just has this _ way _about him, this demeanor that just makes you want to spill all of your secrets.

"Hyung, we really need your help." Donghyuk sits up to pour himself some more wine, Jungwoo politely covering his eyes when he stretches a little bit too far.

At that, Jungwoo seems to start paying a little bit more attention. He sits up in his bed, rests his phone down on his mattress and hugs a pillow. “My help? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I mean- no. Yes and no?” Jaemin shrugs and just about elbows Donghyuk in the face. “It’s about love, hyung. We’re having troubles with love.”

Jungwoo just stares at him. “Oh. And, um, you want me to help you…?”  
_ “Please,” _Donghyuk whines, giving Jungwoo his best pout. Nobody can resist the power of that pout- not even Jaemin. 

Jungwoo lasts all of six seconds. _ “Okay, _fine. Let me get some wine- I have the feeling I’ll need it. Don’t drown while I’m gone.”

Donghyuk smiles brilliantly. “I knew you loved me, hyung.”

As it turns out, the story is easier to hash out the second time. Donghyuk and Jaemin lay it all out for Jungwoo, who sorts out what’s going on between rambles about Renjun’s smile and Jeno’s laugh. He sips on his own glass of red wine and Donghyuk only almost drops his phone into the bathtub twice.

“So hyung, what the hell do we do?” Jaemin asks. The water’s long since gotten cold and he’s filled it up with warm water again twice, Donghyuk clinging to his back until it’s warm again. 

“You should just kiss them both and see what happens,” Donghyuk says, but Jaemin whacks him on the shoulder for his comment. “What? I’m just saying, having two people to kiss sounds better than one?”

“Ridiculous,” Jaemin tuts. He turns back to Jungwoo. “Let’s focus on Hyuck first, hyung.”

“This is really a mess, isn’t it?” Jungwoo sighs, scratching at the top of his head. “Hyuck, you really don’t know who you want to be with? Who you actually like?”

Donghyuk shakes his head, chin resting on Jaemin’s shoulder. “No, hyung. And I don’t- I don’t even know if Mark actually even _ likes me. _I just know that I like him and- that’s unfair to Yukhei. He’s really good to me, hyung. He… he makes me feel good about myself. I like Yukhei so much.” He rests his wine glass on the edge of the tub to bring his knees up to his chest and hug them.

Jaemin frowns a little. He knows that Donghyuk acts like the most confident person in the world, but things are not always how they appear on the outside. He tosses an arm around Donghyuk’s shoulder and squeezes. “You deserve that, bub.”

“I agree,” Jungwoo says. He offers Donghyuk a smile. “I don’t know what’s going on in Yukhei or Mark’s head but, I know they’re both good guys. Yukhei doesn’t play around with people. Mark’s kind of a dumbass, but he’s got a good heart.”

“But- but am I supposed to _ choose? _How am I supposed to do that?” Donghyuk chews on his lower lip anxiously. “I don’t even know where to start.”

“That’s for you to figure out, I’m afraid.” Jungwoo offers him a smile. “Now, as for you, Jaemin.”

Jaemin drops his face into his hands. “How do I get over the loves of my life?”

Jungwoo opens his mouth to respond but the bathroom door swings open and smacks against the wall loudly. 

“What the- Hyuck? Why are you in my bathtub? I_ told _Taeyong that I’d water his damn plants...” Jaemin recognizes Yuta, Taeyong’s roommate. He stands in the doorway, one hand on the door knob, the other covering his face, exasperated.

Donghyuk’s face _ lights up _ and he shifts in the tub, sitting up properly, knocking Jaemin a little off kilter. “Yuta-hyung! Perfect timing. We need your help.”

Yuta quirks an eyebrow, gaze flitting down Donghyuk’s body and back up, seemingly amused. “You’re calling me hyung now? Are we close enough for that?”

Donghyuk doesn’t even have the sense to look ashamed. “Yes. You get to see my dick, so I get to call you hyung. That sounds fair to me.”

Yuta looks over at Jaemin, who’s fairing only a little bit better than Donghyuk- he sips back a big gulp of wine, averting eye contact.

Jungwoo sighs from where the call is still connected on Donghyuk’s phone. “Just get some wine, hyung. This one’s a real mess.”

“Jungwoo?” Yuta peeks over at the phone, looks over at the boys again and sighs. He steps close enough to pluck Donghyuk’s glass from his hand and refill it with wine, sitting down on the edge of the tub. “Alright, start from the top.”

Donghyuk huffs. “He just needs to _ kiss them both and-” _

* * *

Jaemin wakes up the next morning, brain fuzzy and limbs heavy, in an unfamiliar bed.

He blinks a couple of times, shifting around under the unfamiliar sheets, trying to reason together where he is and who he is and _ what year it is- _

“Nana, _ stop moving _ -” Donghyuk whines from _ somewhere _nearby, and Jaemin’s still moving until Donghyuk flips over and wraps an arm around him, effectively smothering him in a cuddle and calming his wayward limbs.

Donghyuk lays his hand flat on Jaemin’s chest, no doubt able to feel his heart racing in his chest. “Yuta-hyung’s bed,” he manages to grit out, voice thick with fatigue. He knows how Jaemin can get, anxious and uncomfortable, when he’s just woken up and isn’t sure where he is. “We’re in Yuta-hyung’s bed. Think he got tired of me tryna make him cuddle and left us here.”

Jaemin snorts a tired laugh. Last night’s a big blur (he doesn’t even remember getting out of the bath, let alone coming to bed _ or _getting dressed- but he’s wearing someone’s clothes now, a comfy pair of sweatpants and a sweater). 

He shifts a bit, warm and comfortable under the blankets, only to feel Donghyuk grip onto him tighter and whine.

"Too early," Donghyuk mumbles, voice muffled as he presses his face against Jaemin's back.

His impending hangover has his head throbbing and he really should get up to get some water, but he's too comfortable and relaxed to force himself out of bed- so he relaxes into Donghyuk's cuddles and lets himself drift off again.

When he wakes up next, he's alone.

It's still dark in the bedroom, the curtains pulled closed (Jaemin takes a silent moment to appreciate Yuta for that- there's no way that he or Donghyuk had the thought to do that last night). All of his limbs feel _ heavy- _he just wants to roll over and go back to sleep, and maybe die a little bit.

He remembers though, that he's still in Yuta's bed and that's what gives him the energy to sit up, stretching his limbs up above his head.

Today's going to be a long day.

Finding his clothes proves to be a little more difficult through the mess that is Yuta's room, considering it looks a little bit like a bomb's gone off. Clothes are _ everywhere- _on the bed, on the dresser, on the floor. Jaemin finds Donghyuk's jeans buried underneath a pile of Yuta's sweaters and grabs them to bring home with him, too.

His phone tells him that it's eleven in the morning, meaning that Donghyuk probably managed to get himself up for class this morning. His music classes are his favourite- there's no way that even a hangover will stop him from attending his vocal class that his hyung, Taeil, helps teach. Jaemin shoves all of his things in his backpack, feeling a little dizzy and off-kilter as he emerges from Yuta's bedroom.

"Good morning." Yuta is smirking at Jaemin when he enters the kitchen, a big coffee mug snug between his palms. "You need some coffee?"

"You are a God." Jaemin drops himself down on a chair next to Yuta, sighing loudly. His head's pounding and the room is still spinning quite a bit, but the smell of coffee helps to perk him up a little bit.

Yuta digs a mug out of the cupboard that’s pink with little rainbow hearts on it. "Milk? Sugar?"

Jaemin's a little worried that if he talks too much he might actually get sick, so he settles for shaking his head.

"Just black?"

He nods.

"Disgusting, but I respect that." Yuta places the coffee down in front of Jaemin and the first sip is _ heavenly. _

"I love you," Jaemin says, the coffee warm in his stomach.

"No, I'm pretty sure it's Jeno and Renjun that you love," Yuta says, the corners of his lips quirking up into a smile. "You only told me like four dozen times last night, give or take."

Jaemin's stomach drops.

"Please don't tell anybody," he sighs, eyes dropping down to his mug. "I'll figure out how to get over it. I just don't want them to find out and be like... weirded out, or whatever."

"I think you should stop assuming how they are going to feel about this." Yuta half-shrugs. "You have this idea stuck in your head, and you’re so fixated on that you're not even willing to give them a choice in this."

"A choice?" Jaemin scrunches his nose. "Neither of them is choosing me over the other. I won't allow it."

"That's not what I mean. Do you remember what we talked about last night?" Yuta prods, carefully.

Jaemin blinks, thinking back to last night's conversation, but it's all a mess in his head. "Not really," he admits, not sure how much of what's in his brain is real and how much of it he's just made up.

Yuta pats him on the shoulder and says, “you need to talk to Taeyong. Your feelings aren’t as hopeless as you think that they are.” Before Jaemin can inquire any further, he drops his used mug in the sink and gathers up his stuff. "I need to get to class, but Hyuck left the spare key so just lock up on your way out. There’s bread for you in the toaster. Okay?”

"Thank you, hyung," Jaemin says quietly, softly. Yuta looks at him with an expression that Jaemin can't quite decipher, but he can't find it in himself to ask. "I'm sorry we um, crashed into your bathtub last night."

"It's fine. You two are hilarious," Yuta grins.

"...And sorry for crashing into your bed," Jaemin finishes, looking away, a little uncharacteristically shy.

"Yeah, Hyuck really is an aggressive cuddler, isn't he? I can't wait to tell Sicheng that I saw his cousin's roommates naked." Yuta laughs. "See you later, Nana!"

When Jaemin's sick or hungover, he's always been a little... clingy.

He just can't help it- it's the one time that he actually is willing to let go and be taken care of, when he doesn't mind being babied a little and losing some of his control.

And, yes, it probably isn't the best idea for Jaemin to go seeking comfort from the two boys that he has a crush on, but- well he's never claimed to always have good ideas.

Besides, it just- it just feels _ right. _

Jaemin stumbles into the apartment, still feeling warm and lightheaded and tired. He rubs at his eyes, barely remembering to drop Taeyong's key by the door for Donghyuk when he needs it next.

There's music coming from down the hall- upon further inspection, Jaemin deduces that it's coming from Renjun's room.

The smart decision would be to keep walking down the hall and collapse in his own bedroom. Leave Renjun alone and get to work on snubbing out these feelings threatening to eat him alive.

Jaemin's never claimed to be the smart one, though. That's Renjun's job.

Carefully, he knocks. "Injunnie?"

The music playing inside softens, Renjun's voice filtering in over top of it. "It's open!"

Jaemin pushes the door open to find Renjun sitting cross-legged on his bed, a series of physics textbooks spread out around him. He has a highlighter in his hand and after a beat of silence, he looks up and sees Jaemin standing in his doorway.

"Nana," he says, and Jaemin steps a little further into the room reflexively, unable to resist the pull that he feels towards Renjun. (How did he carve out such a large space in Jaemin's heart in such a short amount of time?)

"I heard that you and Hyuck had fun last night," Renjun says, lips curled into a beautiful smile. "I saw him on campus this morning and he looked like the dead reanimated. He was so miserable, I couldn't help but tease him."

Jaemin pouts. "Are you going to tease me, now, too?"

"Nah," Renjun shakes his head. "You feeling okay? You kind of look like shit."

"Wow, thank you," Jaemin says, stepping over so that he can drop himself down on the corner of Renjun's bed. "You're supposed to say _ you look handsome as always, Nana." _He’s not sure where he’s getting the energy to joke from, but here it is.

Renjun snorts. He pushes away some of his books, making room for Jaemin to settle next to him. "Come here. Have you eaten?"

With a nod, Jaemin lets himself shift a little closer. He's a lot more careful with cuddles these days- he tries to wait and let Jeno and Renjun initiate things so that he doesn't feel like he’s taking something that doesn’t belong to him. It isn't until Renjun grabs his arm and pulls him all the way over that Jaemin finds himself with his head in Renjun's lap, Renjun's fingers pushing his hair off his forehead.

"Yeah, Yuta-hyung gave me some bread," Jaemin says, eyes fluttering closed when Renjun rests his palm on top of his face, skin cool and soothing. "It was some of that super healthy multigrain shit that Taeyong-hyung is really into."

"Noted. I'll text Jeno to have him bring us something greasy when he's finished work." Renjun thumbs up the bridge of Jaemin's nose, the pressure on his forehead heavenly. "You should probably sleep, Nana."

"Is that okay? Don't wanna interrupt your studying." Jaemin hides a yawn behind his arm, shifting around and pushing a textbook out of his way.. "You geniuses and your ridiculous books. You could kill someone with one of these."

"Why do you think I'm strong enough to carry you?" Renjun chuckles softly. "It's fine, Nana. Just relax."

Who is Jaemin to argue?

Renjun rearranges him, sitting properly against the headboard so that Jaemin can curl up next to him, head in his lap.

And Jaemin's word-to-mouth filter really goes to shit when he's tired and comfortable and vulnerable like this, because the next thing that comes out of his mouth is: "you smell nice."

Like the jasmine tea he likes to drink so much, warm and sweet and comforting. Jaemin wants to drown himself in it.

"Thank you," Renjun smiles. He brushes a hand down Jaemin's neck, the touches making him shiver. "Whose clothes are you wearing?"

"Yuta-hyung's," Jaemin answers, rubbing his face against Renjun's chest. "They're okay. I like wearing Jeno's better. Feels nice."

Renjun nods, humming. "Yeah. You're right." Renjun's fingers trace down Jaemin's face again, Jaemin's eyes fluttering closed. "Sleep now, okay?"

Jaemin presses his face further against Renjun's thigh and without another word, he's out like a light.

"Nana?"

Jaemin stirs a little, reluctantly shaking off the last little bit of his dream. It had been an amazing one- in his dream, Renjun and Jeno liked him back. In his dream, it was fine to be in love with two people- he wasn't different, or _ weird. _

He was just Jaemin.

(At least he can be happy in his dreams.)

Jaemin opens his eyes to see Jeno looking down at him, smiling warmly. He looks cozy in the too-big sweater that his mom had given him last year for his birthday. “Good morning, sleeping beauty. I brought you some food.”

It always takes Jaemin a little while to wake up, especially when he doesn’t wake up in his own bed. Jeno knows this, and he wants patiently, hand firm on Jaemin’s thigh. 

Slowly, it filters back. He’s in Renjun’s room, but Renjun-

“Where’s Injunnie?” Jaemin asks, slowly propping himself up on his elbows. He remembers falling asleep with Renjun right there, but now there’s a pillow under his head, the sheets next to him still warm to the touch. “Was I bothering him?”

“No, don’t worry. He had to go meet for a group project that he couldn’t get out of.” Jeno readjusts, crawling over to where Renjun had been sitting. “You’re never a bother, Nana.”

Jaemin sniffs, still feeling a bit out of it. "Are you sure?"

Jeno loops an arm around Jaemin’s middle to hoist him up to sit and squeezes him tight. "Yes, you big baby, I'm sure. Are you still hungover? I forgot that you get like this.”

“Get like what?” Jaemin asks, righting himself so that he can sit up on his own. It’s pretty futile though, trying to escape from the familiar scent of Jeno’s soap when he’s surrounded by the scent of Renjun all over the sheets. Jaemin’s always been sensitive to smells and these two- they’re some of his favourites. 

“Cute,” Jeno says, smiling brightly.

Jaemin has half a mind to feel _ shy, _ before he remembers that that’s not how he’s supposed to respond. He’s supposed to play it off like a joke, he’s supposed to deflect, _ but- _

Jeno thinks he’s cute.

The thought alone has him reaching for the take-out bag that Jeno brought, busying himself with emptying it of its contents so that he doesn’t blush. “What did you bring?” He asks, hoping that Jeno won’t question the change of topic.

Thankfully for Jaemin, if Jeno notices anything odd about his behaviour, he doesn’t speak up. He settles down in Renjun’s spot, reaching for Renjun’s laptop on his nightstand. “Just grabbed some chicken from work. Got the spicy kind that you like so much.”

Jeno might not care for the restaurant that he works at much, but it has its perks- Jaemin’s mouth is already watering when he pulls out the to-go package of fried chicken. “You always know just what I need.”

“Yeah,” Jeno laughs, reaching forward to nab a piece of fried chicken. “Wanna watch some more?”

They’ve been sifting through a streamer’s playthroughs of _ Breath of the Wild, _since neither of them have scraped together the money to buy a Switch yet. Jaemin loves it- they both get lost discussing the possibilities of the game (and they can even get Renjun interested, even though he’s not much of a gamer, when they talk about the stories). 

“Yeah,” Jaemin says around a mouth full of chicken, “let’s watch.”

It’s not until Jaemin’s eaten the entire package of chicken and polished off a whole carton of juice, cuddled up against Jeno’s chest that he realizes just how deep he’s gotten himself here. Jaemin finally pries himself from Renjun’s bed, claiming that he has homework to finish when Renjun shows up later, looking so, _ so _soft and Jaemin’s pretty sure that he’ll self-destruct if he lets himself cuddle with both of them at one time. 

There’s no homework though, of course- and Donghyuk knows that, dropping himself down onto Jaemin’s bed where he’s picking weeds playing _ Animal Crossing _on his 3DS half an hour later.

“Not to be the bearer of bad news here, Nana,” Donghyuk starts, reaching over to flick Jaemin in the arm, “but if you want to get over Jeno and Renjun, falling asleep in their arms really isn’t the way to do it.”

Jaemin sighs. “Leave me alone. I know I need to stop. Have you made progress with your own love life?”

Donghyuk’s sigh tells him everything that he needs to know.

Seems like they’re both hopeless.

* * *

  
Now that Donghyuk knows about his feelings, Jaemin expects them to maybe finally be able to fade. Like a balloon filled with too much air that’s finally begun to deflate- he’s managed to let it out confiding in his best friend (and their two exasperated hyungs), so now maybe his feelings will dissipate.

Right?

Well.

The first thing that Jaemin tries in his efforts of getting over Renjun and Jeno is the simplest solution: he needs to distance himself from them. 

It sounds easy enough, but it proves to be the most difficult considering that Jaemin _ lives with them. _

Jeno and Renjun are _ everywhere _as soon as Jaemin doesn’t want them to be. 

Jaemin wakes up in the morning and Jeno’s there, freshly showered after his morning run, making eggs for breakfast. There’s already a steaming mug of coffee on the island and Jeno does nothing more than smile as he slides a plate towards Jaemin to eat.

In the afternoon between classes Jaemin comes home to crawl into bed for a nap (no, _ not _ because he isn’t sleeping at night thinking too much, thank you) and there’s Renjun, sitting on the couch watching those shitty dramas that he _ knows _that Jaemin likes and it’s way too easy to lure him in with tteokbokki and sweet tea.

Nights are the worst. Jeno and Renjun are usually home, so Jaemin tries to spend his evenings elsewhere whenever possible.

Dejun lets him crash in his dorm on the condition that they continue with their watch-through of Naruto. It’s surprisingly not awkward- a lot like how they were before, except that they don’t make out anymore. That’s all well and fine, except Dejun actually _ likes _ Sasuke and Jaemin just can’t jive with that. (“Are you _ serious?!” _ Jaemin groans, shoving Dejun’s _ P-Chan _ pillow right in his face. “Get out of here with that. He’s a little bitch and you _ know it.”) _

Mark proves to be a good distraction when Jaemin can weasel some free time out of his schedule, which isn’t often. He’s somehow picked up more extracurriculars in college than he had even when they were back in high school and more often than not, “hanging out” is really a code word for “studying”. But the good thing about studying with Mark Lee is that he can keep even Jaemin on task and his grades are sure reflecting his new study habits. 

Jungwoo’s around more often than not, and he knows all about Jaemin’s predicament and is more than willing to indulge him in cuddles, so it evens out. Jaemin’s not really sure why they haven’t hung out much before. Maybe it has something to do with the way that Jeno full-body trembled when Jaemin told him that he was going to meet Jungwoo, muttering something under his breath about _ evil and evil combining powers. _

Donghyuk’s out a lot too- he’s got his own situation he’s dealing with, Jaemin knows, but any time that he can tackle his best friend down for wine and cuddles, he takes full advantage.

(He sleeps better next to someone else, anyway- even if it’s not who he wishes it were.) 

Jaemin’s also never been so grateful for Rainbow V dance group.

He’d joined the dance group (a club held at their local college more than anything, really) half a year ago now at Donghyuk’s insistence, when he’d shown a rare bout of shyness and didn’t want to join alone. It’s nothing more than a casual club- the group gets together a few times a week, work on choreos and for those more serious in the group, perform. Jaemin has never been much of a performer but he enjoys dancing and exercising, usually finding time to come once every week or two. There’s a dozen members, give or take, who all make their presence known when possible.

This past week he’s shown up all three nights an effort to avoid his roommates. It’s working well too- he’s more exhausted than usual by the time that he gets home so he’s a lot more likely to pass out as soon as his head hits the pillow.

The song they’re working with is a track Jaemin’s not familiar with, something fast-paced and grungy. Sweat drips down the back of his neck as he throws himself into the movements, sneakers loud against the floor, body reacting almost instinctively now, after they’ve run through it half a dozen times. 

Tonight the group is smaller tonight than usual, midterms looming over everyone’s heads. There’s only Yangyang and Jaehyun along with Renjun’s cousin Sicheng (Jaemin can’t help but feel in awe of every time that he watches him dance), and the duo that leads the practices. Earlier this week it was Ten by himself, the sassiest linguistics major that Jaemin has ever met, but tonight he’s joined by his other half; his calmer, much more gentle boyfriend, Taeyong.

(They’re insanely cute together. Jaemin’s never seen two people so soft for each other in his entire _ life.) _

“Jaemin! That’s great, you’re really starting to get it!” Taeyong jogs over towards Jaemin as they’re finishing up their cooldown exercises at the end of the night. It’s been a long practice- they’re working on a new choreography that’s probably their toughest yet and Jaemin feels insanely out of practice. 

Slowly though, he’s catching up. 

(He sure has the time for it now.) 

“Thanks, hyung.” Jaemin smiles, standing up a little straighter so that he can chug back everything that’s left in the bottle. “It’s slow going, but I’m getting there.” 

“You’re doing great.” Taeyong looks over to where Ten and Jaehyun are engaged in a lively conversation in English, Ten’s arms flailing around wildly as he tells a story. “Tennie commented on it earlier, too. You could definitely do something more than just practicing if you ever wanted, Jaemin. You could definitely perform with us.” 

“What?” It’s not that Jaemin’s insecure about his skills, it's just that that the thought is… surprising. “Seriously?”

“For sure!” Taeyong grins. “Hyuckie too, if he shows up to practice a bit more often. I feel like I’ve hardly seen him in the past two weeks!”

Jaemin’s definitely never telling Donghyuk that Taeyong said that. He does _ not _ need the ego boost- he does that well enough on his own. “I’m sure he’d love that. He _ adores _being the spotlight.” Jaemin snorts. “He’ll get this choreo in no time flat, too. Don’t tell him I said that, though.”

“Noted.” Taeyong closes his eyes as he laughs, and Jaemin grins. He likes Taeyong- he’s got a really nice vibe that makes Jaemin feel good. “What about you? Would you be interested in that?”

Jaemin pauses. “Honestly? I don’t know.” He’s never performed before. In high school he was always front-row center cheering on Donghyuk as he slayed their high school talent shows and musicals, showing up with Donghyuk’s favourite flowers, tulips (because his high school boyfriend was a loser that Donghyuk took far too long to shake) and Jeno, who made the most beautiful, obnoxious banners to support his friends at their events. (It’s sweet, even if by the end of the night everyone’s covered in glitter and Jaemin finds it in his hair for the next week). 

It’s not like he gets nervous in front of other people, but the thought of performing is… weird. Foreign.

“Well you should think about it.” Ten appears at Taeyong’s other side, grinning as he slings an arm around Jaemin’s shoulder, ignoring their height difference. Jaemin likes Ten- he’s got this energy about him that makes Jaemin hope that he and Donghyuk don’t spend too long in the same room or else who _ knows _what will go down. 

(They’ve all only hung out once, and for a short period of time. In the span of an hour Ten and Donghyuk had managed to down half a dozen shots _ each _ and Jaemin feels eternally blessed that the drunker Donghyuk gets, the more that he seeks out the comfort of the people he knows and _ clings. _He’d spent that entire night clinging to Renjun’s side, nuzzling his neck like a drunk, stumbling puppy. He and Jeno had been dating at the time, so it’s a good thing that Jeno isn’t the jealous type.)

“I know just what will help convince you!” Yangyang is suddenly at his other side, arm flung around Jaemin’s waist. The two aren’t really close _ friends, _ per say, but Jaemin doesn’t mind the skinship. He just wishes Yangyang didn’t bond so much with Jaemin’s younger _ brother. _ “We should go out for drinks. On Jaehyun-hyung!”

Jaehyun whips around, _ “what?!” _

“I’m calling in the bet I won last week!” He whoops loudly, laughter already spilling from Ten’s lips. Yangyang’s only been learning Korean for the past year or so, but he’s already learned so quickly- must come from living with Kun and Guanheng, who are both fluent. 

“No _ way,” _Jaehyun groans. “I have homework to do!”

“It can wait.” Yangyang flashes his bright smile. “Fried chicken and beer, and it’s on Jaehyun-hyung! Who’s in?!”

Ten agrees immediately, leaning in close to Taeyong and whispering in his ear to convince him too. Taeyong laughs, but agrees, rummaging for his phone in his backpack. “Maybe Johnny wants to come too?”  
Yangyang turns and starts speaking to Sicheng in Mandarin, no doubt promising him his weight in fried chicken if he comes and helps drain Jaehyun’s wallet.

Jaemin swallows. Sicheng is Renjun’s older cousin, and getting drunk in front of him while he’s been feeling emotional about Renjun for _ weeks _is just way too risky. Too much potential to expose everything that Jaemin’s worked so hard to keep hidden.

(Besides, Jaemin kind of already has a date with his bed, Netflix, and that bag of sweet and salty chips that Donghyuk gave him. Mark gets them from his family back in Canada and Jaemin _ loves _them, so Donghyuk always cons a bag off of Mark when his care packages show up). 

“Wow,” he says, doing his best to feign interest, “I’d love to, but-”

Jaemin can’t even come up with a good _ excuse. _

He could say that he has plans with Renjun and Jeno, but that feels too real, too _ raw. _Donghyuk’s out, considering that they know Donghyuk’s busy with something else right now, and- shit, Jaemin’s paused a lot longer than normal to find something to say-

“I’ve got, um. I’ve got plans with a friend,” he chooses at last. Why couldn’t he just be normal and say that he has homework to work on? That’s not even a lie.

Not that he’s going to do it today, but-

“Oh! Jaeminie!” Taeyong’s face lights up. “Yuta mentioned you wanted to chat about something?”

Oh fuck.

Yuta’s words come back to him- _ you should talk to Taeyong. _

His stomach twists sharply. Not here, not _ now- _

“Hey, you guys go get ready, okay?” Taeyong shoos the others away with a wave of his hand. They leave without much protest, off to gather their things on the other side of the studio. 

Bless Taeyong and his ability to read the atmosphere.

“You have my number, right?” Taeyong drops his hand on Jaemin’s shoulder. “Can we meet up this weekend? Saturday morning, before my shift? I work at the café just around the corner from our building, we can have a cup of coffee there.”

On one hand, Jaemin doesn’t really want to talk about his feelings anymore. Speaking them out loud is _ hard, _and he’s sure that the more that he talks about them the worse that they must be getting but-

On the other hand, they’re coiled up all tightly in his chest just waiting to _ burst. _

Telling Donghyuk, and Yuta and Jungwoo hasn’t made his feelings go away. Rather, it’s made them grow stronger. It’s made him _ want _to tell everyone, to shout it from the goddamn rooftops.

Maybe Taeyong has a solution.

“Okay,” Jaemin says, nodding. He takes a breath. “I’ll meet you at nine?”

Taeyong grins. “Perfect.”

From the other side of the room, Ten lets out a laugh “Yongie, let’s go! I just won beer _ and _soju! Really, Jaehyun you should stop making bets if all you’re going to do is lose-”

* * *

The thing about Renjun is that he thinks.

He thinks a _ lot. _

Jaemin knows this- he knows that Renjun’s often thinking about ten different things at a time, knows about the anxiety that pierces into his skin, finding its home deep in his bones. He knows about it because he’s seen it.

He was the first one to see it, really, maybe a month after college began and they started living together.

Their friendship had developed quickly. It just seemed to happen naturally, the first couple of months of their time as roommates. There’s just something about being stuck in a small space with others, free from who you were in high school and your past that makes you want to open up quickly. Although Jaemin already knew Jeno and Donghyuk like the back of his hand, Renjun was quickly carving out his own space in their group- their budding friendship just seemed to fall into place, Renjun a piece of the puzzle they hadn’t realized they’d been yearning for. 

He’s quick-witted and sarcastic, easily giving Donghyuk back everything that he dishes out, sassing Jeno when he makes a terribly unfunny comment. He’s kind-hearted, caring, always makes sure that the group makes it back to their apartment in one piece after a night at the bar, always tucks Jaemin into his bed when he gets drunk and clingy even though Renjun’s drunk too because he handles his alcohol better. (“You’re just a baby,” he’d always say, giggling when Jaemin just about trips trying to put on his pajamas). 

He’s smart and good and- he just _ fits. _It’s nice, having a good, round number like this. 

But it does take him a little longer to open up. 

Jaemin remembers the first time he’d seen it, when he’d come home to find the apartment dead quiet and dark in the middle of the afternoon when he’d known Renjun was going to be home. He remembers knocking on his door to radio silence- and finding Renjun in his bed, stressed and tired and _ shaking. _He’d been shaking so violently, tremors that only stopped after Jaemin finally got over his surprise and climbed into bed with him, tucked him up against his chest and realized how tiny Renjun is. It was only until after Renjun finally admitted how much he missed his parents and his home and how worried he was, certain that he was going to misstep and disrupt the delicate balance of his life that Jaemin really understood what goes on in Renjun’s head.

(They’d cuddled for hours, Jaemin whispering quiet reassurances against Renjun’s skin until Donghyuk had come home, Jeno in tow, and the four had decided to cancel all their Saturday night plans for a much-needed movie night camped out in the living room. Jaemin had fallen asleep with Renjun tucked between himself and Jeno, Donghyuk clinging to his back and from that point on, they’d all just known. This friendship’s one that’s going to last.) 

Renjun’s pretty good about keeping himself in check, especially after he learns to confide in Jeno, Jaemin and Donghyuk, so it’s not something that crops up often. 

Renjun and Jaemin are both seated on opposite sides of the living room table a few days later, textbooks spread out all around them. 

Jaemin has one compulsory math course this year and he _ hates _it. Math has never been his strong suit- he’s not terrible at it, he’s able to get it but it takes so much time and effort. He has to pour over his books for hours to get concepts that his classmates seem to get in just one class. It’s unbelievably frustrating.

“You’re forgetting a step here.” Renjun lays his hand flat down on one side of Jaemin’s notebook, delicate fingers pointing to one part of the equation that Jaemin’s been wrestling with for the past two weeks. “You’re going a little too fast. Slow down a bit, okay? Can I show you again?”

Throat suddenly feeling very dry, Jaemin nods. “Sorry, I just-”

“Don’t be sorry.” Renjun picks up his pencil, tapping the page gently. “Just watch, okay?”

Renjun, however, is great at math. Must come with being a genius, or just an astrophysicist student thing. He patiently goes over the process once more.

Jaemin winces, temple throbbing as he tries to sort out all of the numbers in his head. He starts with the problem like Renjun showed him, but _ again _ gets all turned around somewhere in the middle, vision blurry as he stares down at the book he’d love nothing more than to throw out the window. “Wait, do I need to subtract this part or add it?” He asks, guilt swimming around in his stomach when Renjun pulls his attention away from his own textbooks to help Jaemin- _ again. _

He knows he’s not stupid. He knows it, but he can’t help but feel stupid considering he’s been at this for hours and he feels like he’s gotten _ nowhere. _

“Add it,” Renjun says, after checking Jaemin’s work. “You missed the third step here. You’re going too fast, Nana. Slow down. You can do it.”

“Fuck.” Jaemin rubs at his temples, frustration growing in the pit of his stomach. He usually struggles, but not _ this _badly- it’s probably a combination of the stress and how little he’s been sleeping but he feels like he’s being pulled taut, one second away from snapping. “I’m never gonna get it. I should just give up now- take the fucking zero.”

“Nana-”

“I _ can’t _ do it, Injunnie. It’s been two weeks I’ve been staring at these formulas and I’m not learning anything. I’m too fucking dense for this or, or something- I don’t _ know-” _ he drops his head down onto his books loudly, biting down the whine threatening to spill from his lips. His head hurts and he’s tired and aching for some comfort but he’s trying so hard to be good and _ not _fall back into old habits.

A tentative hand at the nape of his neck draws Jaemin’s attention, fingertips pressing into the curve of his neck soothingly. 

“Hey, Renjun says, carefully drawing up Jaemin’s head, “why don’t we take a break?”

Truthfully, Jaemin should say no. Truthfully, he needs to study.

But something in Renjun’s expression tells him that he’s not really asking, so he just nods. “Okay. What do you want to do?”

Jaemin stares at Renjun, confused. 

Renjun stares back, holding the door open for Jaemin. “What?” 

“The arcade?” Jaemin blinks. “But you don’t even like the arcade?”

“I don’t hate it, and you like it. Are you coming in or not?” Renjun holds the door open for another moment before shrugging and walking in first, leaving an incredulous Jaemin to trail in after him.

To say that Jaemin _ likes _the arcade would be an understatement, but it’s not somewhere that he has the time to come to very often. It’s been weeks since he’s been able to come, and he hasn’t been here with Renjun since they became roommates.

By the time he makes it to the front counter, Renjun’s already paid and he’s holding up a handful of tokens. “Where do you want to start?”

An hour later, Jaemin can’t even remember why he was so _ stressed _before.

He grabs on to Renjun’s wrist, intent on dragging him from one game to the next, heart in his throat when Renjun tugs his wrist out of Jaemin’s grip to tangle their hands together instead. 

“Nana, I thought you were _ good _at this one,” Renjun teases, elbows propped up on Jaemin’s shoulders when he insists that he doesn’t want to play this one but instead just wants to watch Jaemin play.

_ I’m a little distracted, _ Jaemin thinks, but bites his tongue because he can’t _ say that. _

“I am!” He pouts instead, trying to focus in on the game. “Watch this next round, Injunnie. I’ll win for sure.”

“Mhm,” Renjun hums, in that sarcastic teasing way of his that has Jaemin’s toes curling.

(Jaemin wins-_ barely. _He’s glad that Renjun doesn’t know the difference, can’t tell that Jaemin got pummelled by the NPCs and barely skated out with his life.)

“Let’s switch things up,” Jaemin suggests, after a few hours of playing. He gestures towards a nearby pool table. “Whoever wins buys dinner?”

“Pretty poor way to ask a guy for a date but okay,” Renjun chuckles. 

(Does he have _ any idea _what he’s doing to Jaemin’s heart?!)

Renjun carefully sets up the pool balls, stepping back to grab a cue. “You’ll go easy on me, won’t you, Nana?”

Jaemin’s heart seizes. “Sure,” he says, coughing into his sleeve. “No worries.” He doesn’t think much of it- Renjun isn’t good at most games, so Jaemin isn’t expecting much.

He _ certainly _ is not expecting Renjun to _ own his ass. _

Jaemin tries his best, he really does- but Renjun is really, _ really _good. 

“Nana, I asked you to go easy on me- not to let me win,” Renjun teases, laughing as he sets up his next shot. He’s just a few shots away from winning- he’s sunk nearly all of his balls and Jaemin’s hardly even _ begun. _

Something about that is just- a _ lot _to handle.

Jaemin swallows, lining up his next shot. “You should win sometimes, don’t you think, Injunnie?” He says playfully, sinking a ball, trying to play it cool.

Renjun looks too good, the corners of his lips quirked up in a smile, leaning back against the wall adjacent to the pool table. He’s wearing a pair of black jeans all ripped up along the thighs, a white t-shirt tucked in at the front (Donghyuk would tease him for _ being fashionable) _ and a green jacket large enough that it must belong to Jeno- the sleeves dip below his palms when he leans over the pool table in the cutest way.

Jaemin forces himself to look away so he isn’t caught staring when he misses his shot and it’s Renjun’s turn again.

Now Renjun’s the one taking it easy on him- Renjun misses an easy shot, stepping around Jaemin to give him a shot. He presses a hand to Jaemin’s lower back, the other reaching around to adjust his grip on his pool cue.

“You’re being too eager,” he says, quiet and soft in Jaemin’s ear. “Go a little softer, okay? Really look at where you want the ball to go before you shoot.”

A soft tap of his hand has Jaemin moving, lining up his shot more carefully than before.

“Good,” Renjun praises, hand slipping up Jaemin’s arm. “When it looks good, take a deep breath and shoot.”

Jaemin steadies himself, breathes in the scent of Renjun’s rose cologne and shoots.

Renjun laughs when he misses.

“Should we try again?” Renjun asks after he’s sunk his last ball, earning himself the victory _ and _dinner. He’s looking pretty smug too, a role reversal to how things usually are between them.

“I didn’t know you were a _ pool shark, _Injunnie.” Jaemin reaches for the rack to set up the balls. “Can you teach me? We could totally ruin Jeno and Hyuck with this.”

Renjun lifts up the rack delicately, setting it aside so that he can slip into the space just behind Jaemin and adjust his position. One hand on Jaemin’s hip, the other pressing against his lower back until he gets the hint and leans forward. 

The spot that Renjun had been touching burns when he pulls his hand away from Jaemin’s hip to fix his grip on the cue. 

“You’re on.”

* * *

“Jaemin?”

Jaemin sniffs, rubbing his face with the sleeve of his shirt. No, he is _ not _ lying in bed crying while watching Titanic, thank you very much.

“Hyung? Oh my god.” Fuck, it’s Jisung. “You’re crying watching Titanic again, aren’t you?”

Jisung is Jaemin’s younger brother. Jaemin still remembers when his mother sat him down to explain how they were going to be a _ blended family _now and that he was going to have to get along with his new brother. 

He only feels like strangling Jisung six out of seven days a week now, so that feels like a stark improvement.

_ “No,” _Jaemin insists feebly. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Please. Like I don’t remember when you and Jeno fought in middle school and you watched it _ every single day _until you finally made up. Who had to deal wit you like that? Oh, yeah- it was me.”

“How did you even get in here, Jisungie?” Jaemin asks, deflecting.

“Renjun-hyung let me in.” Jisung kicks off his shoes, smirking when Jaemin cringes as they smack against the frame of his bed. “You haven’t answered the family group chat in like, two weeks. I’m pretty sure that Mom thinks you’re dead. She mentioned something about orchids at your funeral?”

“The only person to always have my back.” Jaemin sighs. “They’re one of the only flowers that don’t make my throat itchy.”

Jisung chooses to ignore his comment and drops down onto the bed next to him. “What are you sulking for?”  
“I’m not sulking.” Jaemin frowns, looking away to where he’s paused his laptop at one of his favourite parts in the movie, the penultimate scene- where Jack sacrifices himself to save Rose. “Can’t a guy just watch Titanic for its cinematic mastery?”

“Not when it’s you.” Jisung reaches over, closing the laptop despite Jaemin’s whine of protest. “Now seriously, spill. Or do I have to go and ask Jeno-hyung what’s going on?” 

_ That _ has Jaemin panicked because Jisung _ will _ask Jeno if Jaemin doesn’t placate him somehow. “I swear to God Jisungie, I’ll tell Dad that it was you that scratched his car last summer.”

“You wouldn’t _ dare.” _ Jisung looks at him level, and- _ fuck, _he’s right. He knows that Jaemin won’t stoop that low, considering all the times they’ve had each other’s backs, even though this secret kind of feels like it might break Jaemin in half.

“Fine then! I’ll tell you. Okay?”

“Great! Was that so hard?” Jisung readjusts, sitting cross-legged on the bed expectantly.

Jaemin takes a deep breath, and he’s finding it easier and easier to talk about the more times that he says it out loud. “I like Jeno and Renjun, okay?” 

Jisung blinks. “Well, they’re your best friends, so isn’t that kind of a given?” 

_ “No,” _ Jaemin sighs, “I mean- I mean that I _ like _ them. Like, like _ like _them.” 

“What are you, twelve?” Jisung sighs like Jaemin’s the biggest idiot on this entire planet and Jisung’s exhausted having to deal with him and maybe that’s not too far from the truth. “Well you’ve been in love with Jeno-hyung at least as long as I’ve known you, I thought that was obvious. But Renjun now, too?” 

Jaemin blanches. “Why the hell am I telling you this? You’re like, fourteen-”

“You know fully well that I’m seventeen-”

“-What do you know about relationships?!” Jaemin huffs.  
“I mean, I’ve had a boyfriend for like half a year now.” Jisung reaches into his backpack to pull out a wrapped-up sandwich, shrugging his shoulders like this is old news. “But pop off I guess.”

“You _ what?!” _ Jaemin can do nothing but gape. “My baby brother has a _ boyfriend?!” _

Jisung laughs. “Wow, you really are an idiot, aren’t you? I didn’t realize I had to spell it out for you. Didn’t you think it was strange when you came home to visit last month and Chenle was sleeping over, but there was no cot set up in my room?”

Jaemin wrinkles his nose. “I dunno, I just thought that you two were good friends.”

“I don’t even call him _ hyung.” _Jisung snorts. “Wow, you are really oblivious. Everything is starting to make a lot more sense.”

“Why did you… how did you know that I’ve been in love with Jeno?” Jaemin asks, voice falling down an octave, to something more soft. “I didn’t even realize until a few months ago.”

“Yes, because you’re stupid.” Jisung unwraps his sandwich and offers Jaemin a bite first. (It’s egg salad- Jaemin’s favourite.) They always talk shit to each other, Jaemin’s used to that, but his actions show that he cares. “You get this really dumb look on your face around him, when you think that he’s not watching. Always have. It’s the softest I’ve ever seen you. You’ve always been different with him. Like, I know that you and Donghyuk-hyung have this weird like, soulmate thing going on and you’re always hanging off each other, but with Jeno-hyung… I don’t know. It just feels different, I guess.” 

Jaemin chews on his lower lip. “Park Jisung, when did you get so wise?”

“I’ve always been smart.” Jisung flicks Jaemin on the nose. “Thank you for finally noticing.” 

In retaliation Jaemin launches himself at Jisung who _ always _makes a show, wiggling and whining when Jaemin insists on tucking him in for a nice snuggle. He pouts when Jaemin finally has him where he wants him, his back pressed to Jaemin’s chest, Jaemin’s arms wound around his middle to hold him close.

“Will you watch the rest of Titanic with me?” Jaemin asks, chin pressed to the top of Jisung’s head. They may have only been ‘family’ for the past five or so years, but they’re_ family, _and a bit of familial comfort is helping to settle all the anxious nerves that have been buzzing around in his stomach for the past couple of weeks. 

Jisung sighs, but he doesn’t try to worm his way out of Jaemin’s hold. “Isn’t it almost over anyway?” He huffs. “There was definitely room enough for both of them on that door. Jack froze to death for nothing - all because Rose didn’t share the space, that bitch.” 

“_ Language. _ And we’ve _ talked _ about this, Jisungie,” Jaemin starts, untangling one of his hands from around Jisung to reach for his laptop, “Jack _ had _to die. It was in the script, it’s for the story.”

“Right.” Jaemin can’t see his face but he knows that Jisung is rolling his eyes right now. “First though, hyung- what are you going to do about your feelings?” 

Jisung cautiously puts his hand on top of Jaemin’s, stilling his movements.

Ah. Right.

_ That. _

“I’m working on it. I’ll get over them… First step is to put a bit of distance between us.” Jaemin sighs. His heart _ aches _when he thinks about the fact that he hasn’t touched Renjun or Jeno at all in the last week and a half now; he’s used to getting affection from them pretty much every day. 

“You think that’ll work?” Jisung’s voice is soft, careful.

Jaemin shrugs. “It has to.”

Jisung doesn’t seem wholly convinced but he lets Jaemin hold him and cry quietly into the hood of his sweatshirt when he watches the finale of the movie, just like he always does.

(It’s poetic, okay? Jaemin’s a romantic at heart.)

Jisung spends the night, which gives Jaemin a convenient buffer when they emerge from Jaemin’s bedroom to crowd around the living room table for dinner. It’s Renjun’s cooking- some Chinese recipe from home that he’s been craving- and it’s good, warm and tasty and _ homey. _ It makes Jaemin want to crawl into Renjun’s lap and toss his legs over Jeno’s thighs and forget the entire conversation just to focus on the way that they make him feel, but he _ can’t. _

He can’t, because he’s in love with two people that are in love with each other.  
He can’t, because what he’s feeling isn’t normal. Isn’t right.

He just can’t- and he’s never been more grateful that Jisung knows him better than he knows himself and doesn’t ask any questions, just lets Jaemin cuddle him without complaint when they crawl into bed later that night, the smell of Renjun’s incense clinging to Jaemin’s skin. 

(He’ll get over them- really, he _ will.) _

* * *

“Having fun?” Donghyuk asks, lips curled up into a smile.

Jaemin looks over at him, frowning. That asshole knows that Jaemin is not _ having fun. _ That asshole knows that Jaemin is _ dying. _

“Fuck you,” Jaemin hisses, gritting his teeth as Donghyuk lets out a wolfish laugh.

It’s the bottom of the fifth inning and Jaemin’s been dying since he arrived at the game. (He always comes to their college games- mainly because Renjun’s on the team, along with a few of their other friends Guanheng, Kun, Mark and Yukhei). For one, he’s had to spend the majority of the time sitting alone with Jeno because Donghyuk has been MIA- which no, is not a _ bad _ thing, it just has Jaemin’s heart doing acrobatics in his chest because Jeno is _ right there _ and he looks good and smells amazing and is so supportive of Renjun with his huge-ass handmade banner complete with _ glitter _and-

Jaemin’s in love with him. 

For two, well, all Jeamin has to say about that is fuck Huang Renjun and his fucking baseball shorts. 

“What about _ you?” _Jaemin hisses, remembering to control his voice when Jeno looks over and grins at them, waving at Donghyuk’s arrival. “You’re late.”

“What do you mean? I’ve been here the whole time. I was sitting with Jungwoo-hyung.” Donghyuk straightens up a little, fixing the collar of his jacket and Jaemin realizes that that’s not Donghyuk’s jacket. Not only is the jacket two sizes too big for him, it’s the same jacket he sees Mark and Renjun wearing and Donghyuk does _ not _have one of his own-

“Oh my _ god, _ is that Yukhei’s baseball jacket?” His eyes must not be working. Right? That must be what’s happening. “Lee Donghyuk, are you wearing Yukhei’s fucking _ varsity jacket?” _

Donghyuk hurries to sit down next to Jaemin, tugging his arm. _ “Be quiet,” _he hisses, glancing over at Jeno, but as it turns out Renjun’s just made a clutch catch in the outfield and another batter on the opposing team is out so he’s too busy cheering to listen. 

Jaemin ignores him, instead pushing Donghyuk’s shoulder so that he can see his back. WONG is printed along his shoulders in bold font. Jaemin quirks a brow. “That’s not exactly subtle, Hyuckie. Does this mean-?”

“I- I don’t know.” Donghyuk chews on his lower lip, casting his gaze lower to the field, where Yukhei’s stretching out his shoulder, getting ready to pitch. “We were hanging out earlier, he asked me to come, he offered me his jacket when he went to leave and I wanted to say yes, so I did.”

While the next batter is walking up, Yukhei catches view of Donghyuk in his new spot and flashes him a brilliant smile. He looks pretty much like what one might imagine a perfect boyfriend to be- tall, broad, handsome, really nice smile, brown hair floppy when he pulls off his cap to push back his hair and readjust it. 

“He likes you a lot,” Jaemin notes. There’s nothing behind his words- it’s just the truth.

Donghyuk nods. “I like him a lot, too.” He fiddles with his fingers in the sleeves, cautious smile on his face. 

Jaemin reaches over to pinch his cheek while he’s distracted. He’s happy Donghyuk is enjoying himself so much- as long as Yukhei treats him right, Jaemin really couldn’t care less about anything else. “You were sitting with Jungwoo-hyung?”

“Yeah.” Donghyuk scrunches up his nose. “Turns out that he and Yukhei are like, uh. Friends? Good friends actually. I’d better go back and find him.” He stands up, getting Jeno’s attention by waving a hand in his face. “I’m going back to where I was sitting before! Wipe your drool, Jeno, okay? It’s not very becoming of you.”

Jeno smacks him in the shoulder. “See you later, Hyuck!”

Donghyuk retreats further down the bleachers, leaving Jeno and Jaemin alone again. Jaemin doesn’t think when Jeno reaches over to rest his arm around Jaemin’s shoulders, just lets himself be pulled closer to him.

“So what’s the deal with Hyuck and Yukhei-hyung?” Jeno asks around a mouth full of popcorn, offering the bag to Jaemin wordlessly.

Jaemin shrugs, picking a few pieces for himself to munch on. “Good question. I think Hyuck’s starting to figure it out.” 

Jeno nods thoughtfully, hand finding purchase on Jaemin’s shoulder. “I like Yukhei. He’s sure a whole hell of a lot better than that loser Hyuckie dated in high school.”

“Ugh. Don’t remind me.” Jaemin makes a face. “I still regret not punching that loser when they finally ended things and he didn’t want to leave well enough alone.”

“Wait, did I never tell you?” Jeno grins, laughing around a mouthful of popcorn. “I _ did _punch him. After you brought Donghyuk to your house that night when they broke up? I really didn’t think you guys would believe that Doyoung-hyung and I were wrestling and that’s why my hand was bruised. I didn’t think Hyuck needed to know we got into it.” 

“You _ what?!” _Jaemin turns to face him, grinning triumphantly. “Lee Jeno, you’re a certifiable badass! I’m not sure I’ve ever been so proud of you.”

Laughing, Jeno shoves Jaemin playfully in the shoulder. “I was terrified of my mom finding out, but she didn’t question my story at all. Guess it really came in handy the amount of times that we roughhoused as kids. She didn’t even blink.”

“Oh, you mean like the time you broke my wrist?”

“You mean the time when you fell on your ass and broke your own wrist?” Jeno laughs, his eyes disappearing when he smiles in that way that Jaemin adores. “Don’t forget the amazing friend who carried you on his back the entire ten kilometers back to your house either. I think he deserves some credit.”

Jaemin laughs. “Okay, fair.” He tunes back into the game. Renjun’s team is in the lead, all gathered in the dugout cheering loudly. Jaemin doesn’t pretend to know anything about baseball but he likes watching it- enjoys watching Renjun laugh brightly, throwing his arm around their appointed honorary captain, Mark. 

“He’s so good,” Jaemin mumbles, not really thinking about it.

Next to him, Jeno nods. “Yeah, he is.” He leans forward a little bit further, slips his arm around Jaemin’s shoulders again. 

The position puts a little bit of strain on Jaemin’s shoulders, sore from all the dancing he’s been doing lately. He winces, adjusting how he’s sitting so that he’s a little more comfortable next to Jeno.

“Your shoulders hurt?” Jeno asks, pulling his arm back. Jaemin bites his tongue to keep the complaint that almost spills from his lips at being separated from Jeno.

“Yeah, a little. Ten-hyung’s got us doing this new choreo and it’s kind of hell.” Jaemin laughs, rolling his shoulders in an attempt to ease some of the tension in his muscles.

“Here, come sit in front of me.” Jeno shifts back in his seat, pulling off his jacket, placing it on top of his backpack to make a makeshift seat.

“What?” Jaemin blanches.

“What do you mean, what? Get over here.” Jeno gestures to the space in front of him.

Hesitantly, Jaemin shifts down to where Jeno wants him, sitting cross-legged.

The first touch of Jeno’s hands on his shoulders has him flinching.

“Sorry, too hard?” Jeno adjusts, releasing up on some of the pressure. He presses his thumbs against Jaemin’s neck, tracing careful circles along his skin.

Jaemin’s heart is beating so loud he can practically hear it thrumming in his ears. 

“Can you take off your hoodie?” Jeno pinches the fabric of it between his fingers. “It’ll be easier.” 

_ God. _

Jaemin doesn’t answer (can’t- too many nerves bouncing around in his body) but slides the hoodie up and off his body, laying it flat in his lap when he’s hit with a chill from the breeze.

“You’re so tense,” Jeno remarks, hands warm on Jaemin’s shoulders. “Relax, Nana. We’ve done this dozens of times.” He laughs. “I’m pretty good at it, remember?”

_ Right, that’s the reason I’m tense. _Jaemin nods curtly, taking a deep breath as he tries to relax his posture so that Jeno can properly massage his aching shoulders.

Jeno wasn’t lying when he said he was pretty good at it- that hardly covers it. Being a kinesiology major certainly has its perks, and Jaemin gets to reap the benefits. 

He moves his hands slowly, but with purpose; applying increasing pressure to the muscles of Jaemin’s neck and shoulders, pausing when he finds a spot that’s really tense. His fingers are warm and soft as they move down Jaemin’s skin, dipping below the neckline of his t-shirt to press a little bit lower. 

It’s not Jaemin’s fault that he melts into the touches- how could he not? Jeno’s got him melted down into putty in his hands, relaxed as he tips his head back, resting it on Jeno’s knee.

He looks up at Jeno and catches him smirking. “Feel good?” 

Jeno knows damn well that it feels _ good. _Jaemin glares at him in lieu of a response, which earns him a full-body laugh.

“Hey, we’ve got a little more time before the game’s done.” He shifts back in his seat, tapping the space he’s made in front of him. “Sit up here with me and I can do your back, too.”

Jaemin hopes that Donghyuk will remember the lilacs for his funeral.

(Between Renjun and Jeno? There’s no way he’s making it out of here alive.)

* * *

Jaemin nearly forgets that he’s supposed to be meeting Taeyong until he’s woken up by a text from his hyung and forces himself to drag his ass out of bed at eight in the morning.

It’s far too early to be awake on a _ weekend. _

Jaemin’s never been much of a morning person on the best of days, and last night he stayed up way too late with Donghyuk streaming this drama they’ve been into the past week. Renjun had been watching with them for a while too, tired after a taxing test, cuddling them until he’d fallen asleep.

(It had been beyond cute, especially when Jeno had come home with the _ softest _expression on his face. He’d gathered Renjun up into his arms to carry him to bed, and Jaemin had cuddled Donghyuk twice as hard thinking about how much he wishes he could have gone to Jeno’s room, too.)

Donghyuk’s still passed out in Jaemin’s bed, cuddling one of Jaemin’s Ryan plushies. He shifts a little when Jaemin brushes his hair out of his face, scrunching up his nose. He doesn’t wake up, not even when Jaemin trips trying to pull on his jeans and just about wipes out in the middle of his bedroom.

He grabs his phone and wallet, pulling on a shirt as he steps out of his bedroom.

He has his shirt halfway on when his eyes meet Renjun’s, who’s sitting in the kitchen, bowl of cereal in his hands. He’s got a spoon midway to his mouth but is sitting, frozen in his spot, definitely staring at Jaemin’s stomach.

Heat crawls up Jaemin’s throat and he coughs as he pulls his shirt down.

“Hi,” Renjun greets him, apparently not as affected by the situation as Jaemin is. He finishes his bite of cereal, chews and swallows slowly. “You’re up early.”

“Um, yeah.” Jaemin really hopes that his face isn’t as red as it feels. Was Renjun just _ checking him out??? _“I’m meeting with Taeyong-hyung for coffee in, um,” he checks his phone blearily, “three minutes?”

“Ah.” Renjun flips the page of the book that he has spread out on the island. It’s not unsual to see Renjun up early- he’s always been an early riser, and he’s usually the first awake so that he can wake up slowly with a big mug of jasmine tea. “You should probably hurry then?”

“Right.” Jaemin runs a hand through his hair, hoping that he doesn’t look as big of a mess as he feels. “Yeah, I, um, I’ll be going now.”

Jeno chooses this moment to open the door of their apartment, walking back in dressed in workout gear- grey sweats and a hoodie, sweat running down the length of his neck, hair mussed, earbuds in his ears. He looks absolutely _ sinful. _

“Good morning,” he drawls lazily, lips curled into a smile, clearly unaware of the absolute warzone that are Na Jaemin’s thoughts.  
“I’m going to meet with Taeyong-hyung-bye!” he blurts out, racing for the door.

Jeno smiles and waves goodbye, apparently not noticing Jaemin’s weirdness.

God, he is _ fucked. _

Taeyong’s already waiting in the café when Jaemin walks in, curled up on a couch cuddling with a boy that Jaemin’s never seen before.

It’s definitely _ not _ Taeyong’s boyfriend, Ten, but he has his arm around Taeyong and is whispering in his ear like they know each other intimately. He’s a lot taller than Taeyong, and broad- he laughs loudly, looking up when Jaemin stands awkwardly near the table because Taeyong is sitting here with a boy that is _ not _his boyfriend-

“Jaeminnie!” Taeyong laughs and shoves mystery boy a little so that he’s not pressing kisses to the side of Taeyong’s neck. “That’s enough, we’re in public!” He laughs, oblivious to Jaemin’s discomfort. "Jaeminnie, have you met Johnny before?”

“I, uh- I don’t think so.” Jaemin wouldn’t oppose to the floor opening up to swallow him whole right now. How is Taeyong so _ casual _about this? Did he and Ten break up? Why is some other guy all over him? “Hi.” 

“Hey! Yongie’s mentioned you before,” Johnny says, smiling.

Taeyong rolls his eyes. “And Johnny was just leaving. I’ll see you later, okay?” He says, to which Johnny nods and kisses him softly on the lips, offering Jaemin a wave as he walks away.

Jaemin sits down, dumbfounded. 

“I ordered you one of your battery acid coffees,” Taeyong says, gesturing to the iced drink on the table. “But don’t forget that you’re not allowed to have more than two a day.”

Like a zombie, Jaemin picks it up and takes a big sip, hoping that maybe it’ll help him clear his head and figure out _ what the fuck is going on. _“Hyung? Are things okay with you and Ten-hyung?”

Taeyong looks at him, confused. “Of course. He’s probably eating all of my cereal right now, actually. I left him in my apartment with Yuta.”

“Oh.” Yup, Jaemin definitely needs more coffee. “Okay.”

“Okay,” Taeyong says, so _ calmly. _ How can he be so _ calm _right now?? “Are you okay Jaemin?”

“Are you?” Jaemin sips at his coffee a little too aggressively, getting too big of a sip that he has to cough out. 

“Yes?”

“So what’s the deal with Johnny then? Aren’t you dating Ten-hyung?” Jaemin asks, loudly whispering across the table.

“I am dating Ten….” Realization dawns across Taeyong’s face. “Oh my god. Jaemin! Did you think I was cheating on Ten?”

“Aren’t you?” Is he going to try and deny that Johnny was _ kissing his neck- _

But what comes out of Taeyong’s mouth next is the last thing that Jaemin expected to hear. “I’m dating Johnny too,” he says, watching Jaemin carefully to gauge his reaction. “Ten, Johnny and I are in a polyamorous relationship.”

The word _ polyamorous _rings around in Jaemin’s head. He's never heard it before and doesn't know what it means. “What?”

“The three of us are dating,” Taeyong clarifies, voice levelled, but still watching Jaemin carefully.

Taeyong, Ten and Johnny are all dating.

All three of them.

Huh.

“You can do that?” Jaemin blinks. His head’s _ spinning. _“Date more than one person? That- that’s allowed?”

Surprise colours Taeyong’s features- clearly, that wasn’t the reaction that he was anticipating. “Oh, sweetie. Oh, is this why Yuta wanted you to talk to me?”

Everything suddenly feels like _ way _too much. He registers that Taeyong’s moved to sit beside him, an arm around his shoulders, soft voice in his ear. “Talk to me, Jaemin. What’s going on?”

“I-” he tries to start, but loses his voice halfway. He registers, in some corner of his mind, that his vision’s gotten blurry, but he can’t tell that he’s tearing up. “I could do it? I could date Jeno and Renjun? I’m not- there’s nothing wrong with me?”

Images blur his vision- thoughts and ideas and _ possibilities. _He’s not the only one who’s in love with two people? 

“Oh, honey, no,” Taeyong whispers, squeezing his shoulders. “There’s nothing wrong with you. Love is beautiful- why wouldn’t you want to feel it?” He smiles, thumb brushing Jaemin’s cheek. “And if it’s with two people? All I hope is that they’re people who appreciate you.”

Jaemin sniffs. “They’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” he admits, voice quiet with disbelief.

Taeyong sits back and smiles. “Tell me everything, okay Jaemin?”

* * *

It’s pouring when Jaemin leaves the café, his head still _ spinning _with all the information that Taeyong dropped on him.

He stops for a brief moment, hiding under the awning of the building, watching rain droplets splash against the pavement. Of course it’s pouring and of _ course _he left his umbrella at home and there’s no telling how long it’s going to last.

He could wait it out, or stop in a corner store to buy one but it’s late and he’s _ tired _and overwhelmed by everything they discussed and home is right there- before he really even thinks about what he’s doing, he’s dashing down the street, downpour heavy in his face.

He’s soaked by the time that he makes it back to the apartment. His boots are filled with water, his shirt’s clinging to his skin and he’s _ cold- _the kind that seeps down into your bones, the kind that makes him want to climb into bed and cling to comfort-

“Oh my god, Nana?” Jeno stands up from where he was sitting at the kitchen island, textbooks spread out in front of him, studying. Renjun half-turns away from the stove, mouth falling open a little when he sees Jaemin’s state.

Jaemin has the mind to _ laugh. _They look so unbelievably domestic. “Um. Honeys, I’m home?” 

Jeno ignores his commentary, nearly tripping on his way down the hallway to get a towel. He comes back moments later, a big fluffy pink one in his arms.

(It’s Renjun’s). 

The towel is soft as it’s wrapped around Jaemin’s shaking shoulders, Jeno rubbing his hands up and down Jaemin’s arms to warm them up. Jaemin’s glad that his skin is numb because Jeno won’t see him blush. 

“What were you thinking?” Jeno tsks, voice low and concerned. “You could get sick, running around in the rain like that.”

Jaemin doesn’t really have an explanation, but he still looks at the floor and mumbles, “I didn’t have an umbrella.” 

Jeno scoffs. He cups Jaemin’s cheeks with his palms before pinching them. “Go get changed, okay? Injunnie’s making lunch.” He tucks the towel more firmly around Jaemin’s shoulders, guiding him into their home, apparently not caring that Jaemin is definitely dripping water all over the carpet. 

Getting dressed is a slow process, all of Jaemin’s clothes wet and heavy and clinging to his skin. He’s itchy and cold and even when he’s pulled on a dry pair of sweatpants and a sweater he still feels the chill running through his bones. 

He dries his hair half heartedly with the towel as he emerges from his bedroom, trying to not internally combust when he sees Renjun turn to him and smile, a little more pleased now that Jaemin’s not literally dripping wet. 

Images, thoughts ideas and _ possibilities _run rampant in his brain.

(“What does that mean?” Jaemin had asked, after Taeyong had listened to him retell _ everything _ and rant about his feelings for the better part of two hours.

“Polyamory?” Taeyong repeated, the word starting to gain some footing in Jaemin’s mind, familiarity seeping in the more that Taeyong said it. “It’s when you date- _ love- _more than one person. Maybe two people, maybe more. There’s no right or wrong way to be polyamorous, as long as everyone in the relationship is happy.”

Suddenly, what Jaemin is had a name- _ polyamorous- _ and the prospect of dating two boys became _ possible.) _

Jeno looks up from his studying, smiling. He pushes a hot mug of green tea towards Jaemin when he sits down wordlessly, flipping to the next page of his anatomy textbook.

The scene is nothing but ordinary, but Jaemin can’t calm his racing thoughts.

Jaemin sips on the tea, which is hot on his tongue but warm in his stomach. He peeks at Jeno and then at Renjun, who’s stirring whatever he’s cooking carefully.

It smells great, rich and spicy and-

Huh.

Familiar. 

He sniffs again and it hits him: this smells _ exactly _like his mother’s kimchi jigae. 

“Smells like my mom’s,” Jaemin mumbles, struck at the realization.

Renjun laughs. “That’s because it’s her recipe, dummy.” Renjun turns, reaching over to lightly tap him in the forehead. “I asked Jeno to get it for me from her. You’ve seemed…” he pauses, glancing over at Jeno briefly, “a little stressed lately. I thought you might like something to make you feel better.”

“Oh.” Warmth blossoms in Jaemin’s stomach despite the fact that his shoulders are still shaking from the cold and he chews on his lower lip to keep himself from smiling like an idiot. 

“I hope that’s okay?” Renjun sounds a little cautious now, like he’s unsure if he overstepped, and Jaemin quickly looks up and shakes his head.

“No- I mean yes, it’s- it’s really, really nice,” Jaemin stammers, stumbling a little to gain his footing. He’s getting a little overly emotional about some kimchi jigae here, he needs to backpedal. “Thank you.”

“Thank Jeno. He’s the one who got the recipe.” Renjun looks over at him, smiling softly as he runs his fingers through Jeno’s hair.

“You’re the one actually cooking it,” Jeno points out, lips curled into a smile. Renjun ruffles his hair affectionately, and-

Jaemin’s suddenly very, very aware of just how cold he is.

He shivers, curling further into himself, but not even the tea seems to be taking the edge off this chill.

“Shit, Nana-” Jeno abandons his studies to pad over to the other side of the island where Jaemin is, “you’re shaking.”

“It’s fine, really-”

The rest of whatever Jaemin was going to say fizzles out on his tongue as Jeno wraps his arms around him from behind, pressing his chest flush to Jaemin’s back. He’s warm, always running hot like a human heater and it feels so good to have him close, hands finding a home on Jaemin’s hips. 

Renjun too abandons his cooking, covering the pot to leave it to simmer, stepping _ so _close to Jaemin. He wraps his hands around Jaemin’s, tutting softly when he feels how cold his skin is.

Jeno’s arms are around him and Renjun’s holding both his hands between his palms, massaging them carefully to help warm them up, and-

Jaemin really is an idiot, isn’t he?

(“Nana, you know what you are?” Donghyuk had told him two months ago when Jaemin had come home carrying yet another stray dog that he’d brought home to clean up and feed until the local rescue could take in on the day of their _ monthly inspection. _ All four of them had run interference to keep the little terrier from being discovered by their landlord, and although it _ had _been one of their best heists to date, it had nearly ended in disaster quite a few times. “Two slices of dumbass with a moron in between. What does that make you?”

“An idiot sandwich?”)

What had he been thinking, believing that he could just _ get over them? _ That he could somehow erase the marks they’ve left on his soul, on his entire _ being- _

Idiot, idiot, idiot.

In a flash of understanding, he realizes that there’s only one way out, and it’s going to make or break him.  
(Taeyong had been right.)

He needs to confess and face the music. One way or another, the only way he’s getting out of this is to deal with his feelings.

“I need to tell you something.” He blurts it out before he has the chance to think about it and oh _ god, _it’s just like him to make this sound all big and dramatic to get his own anxiety up.

The look that Renjun gives him is levelled. “Me? Or Jeno?” He moves to pull his hands away from Jaemin’s, but Jaemin holds on tight before he can.

He takes a deep breath, needing the support that comes from holding Renjun’s hand, as selfish as that may be. “Both of you.”

Jeno makes an inquisitive noise behind him, but thankfully doesn’t pull away. Jaemin looks down at his and Renjun’s hands, not sure that he can look Renjun in the eye while he says any of this. “I’m- I don’t really know how to say this, and I have a lot to get out, so can you both like- just promise me you won’t react until I’m finished?” 

A glance up tells him that he has Renjun’s full attention, and he’s sure Jeno’s the same behind him. “Okay.” 

"And please, um. Just please try to not hate me," he adds, nerves tight in his stomach. 

Jeno nods against his back, listening.

“Okay. Um. Shit.” Jaemin laughs. “I didn’t really think about how I was going to do this? I’ve been- I mean I’ve imagined this situation happening like, dozens of times but I never really thought about the specifics. There’s just- there’s no easy way for me to say this? And I really really _ really _hope that you guys aren’t like… disgusted by me.”

Renjun opens his mouth like he wants to answer, but must remember his promise because he closes it again, softly. Rather than speak, he squeezes Jaemin’s hand reassuringly.

Jeno adjusts behind him, holding him tighter, more secure, conveying more in his actions than he knows how to in words.

“This isn’t something that I’m saying lightly, either. Believe me when I say that I’ve thought it over- a _ lot. _ I think about it basically every day, at this point. I tried to make myself stop and I just couldn’t. I wanted to stop because- because you’re _ happy, _ and I don’t want to ruin things which I’m probably about to do but- but I want to tell you the real reason I’ve been so stressed lately.” Deep breath in, and then out. Jaemin tries to steady his emotions but his heart’s racing in his chest, thrumming so loudly he’s sure Renjun and Jeno must be able to hear it. “The truth is… the truth is that I like you. I like you, Renjun, and I like you, Jeno- I like you both _ so much.” _

Jaemin’s voice breaks, vision swimming with tears, but he keeps going. _ Has _ to. “I don’t know _ why _ I’m like this- I know you’re happy and together and I was okay with that, but- but it’s all just spiraled out of control. I tried to ignore my feelings then I tried to distance myself but I hated doing both, and- and Taeyong-hyung’s in a relationship with Johnny _ and _ Ten-hyung and suddenly polyamory was a thing and- and I don’t know, that just suddenly made everything I’d been trying to deny suddenly seem _ possible _ and I just can’t stop thinking- stop considering the possibility, of, of you wanting me too- even though I shouldn’t, I _ know _ I shouldn’t be.” Oh, fuck, he’s crying. He hates crying. “I- I _ just- _ fuck this is insane and weird and _ I’m _weird and this all sounded so much better in my head and I’m so sorry, please don’t be mad, please please-”

“Nana,” It’s Jeno, Jaemin can tell even through his pathetic sniffling as he tries to stifle his tears, “Nana, _breathe-” _

_ “No,” _ Jaemin quips petulantly, knows that he’s trying to bring out some humour to deflect and make it seem like he _ hasn’t _just laid his heart bare in front of Renjun and Jeno, like he hasn’t stripped himself of all of his layers and let them see. He fights for his hands, wanting to wipe his face, but Renjun won’t let him go so he has to lift their joined hands to try and uselessly wipe at his tears.

His words hang heavy in the air and _ God _can they just say something already-

“I _ knew _it,” Renjun whispers, voice quiet and heavy with realization, and something else- something that Jaemin wants to call hope. “I- I thought maybe, maybe there was something there, but then you started shutting us out and I thought I’d dreamt it all-”

Jaemin’s not breathing.

Is Renjun trying to say-

_ “What?” _

“And I-I told Renjun to drop it.” Jeno’s grip around Jaemin softens, Jaemin’s heart rattling around in his chest. “I was so, _ so _ scared of _ you _not wanting this, not wanting us back. Oh my god. We’re such idiots.”

_ Idiot sandwich, _the Donghyuk in his head reminds him. 

“I don’t- I don’t understand.” Jaemin tugs his hands away from Renjun and uses their momentary surprise to pull himself out from in between them, shakily taking a couple of steps away, needing space to _ breathe. _ He rubs his face with the backs of his hands, annoyed to find that his cheeks are still wet. “Explain, _ please. _” 

“I-” It’s Renjun this time, glancing down at his feet before he looks back up at Jaemin. Jaemin’s never seen him look so close to tears. “I just… I don’t know, I- I had a feeling. That maybe there was something there.” He looks away shyly. “I thought maybe I was just reading into things at first? But. I thought at one point you liked us, and Jeno and I talked about it, but- but then you started acting distant and different and I thought that maybe it was something that I did and-”

“You knew?” Jaemin doesn’t know what he’s feeling, can’t put a name to the emotions crashing over him. Surprise? Fear? Hope? (Shame?) 

Renjun shakes his head, tears welling up in his eyes, “No, no, I wasn’t _ sure, _ I wasn’t sure and it felt insane and weird and _ wrong _and how do you bring that up in casual conversation?”

It sounds a whole lot like how Jaemin has been feeling. 

Something settles in the pit of his stomach then, a small flicker of something he hadn’t let himself breathe into before.

“Injunnie.” Jeno’s words are careful, but Jaemin’s been his friend for too long to not hear how heavy his voice sounds.

“Sorry,” Renjun says, wiping his face with the back of his hand. “Sorry, Nana, I’m not- I didn’t know for sure. I just thought, maybe. _ Hoped.” _

Jaemin’s entire world’s flipping on its axis. 

Renjun takes a deep breath, trying to steady himself.

Jeno’s always worn his heart on his sleeve and Jaemin can read him like a book right now- sees how he’s looking between Renjun and Jaemin, fingers itching to reach out, but not sure which direction to go in.

Instead of choosing either he says, “I think that we should sit down,” gesturing to the couch.

Jaemin feels a little bit like his legs might give out underneath him so he nods, curling up on their smaller couch.

Renjun and Jeno take the hint, sitting across from him on the other sofa.

Jaemin steels his emotions. “What are you saying?” He asks, because he needs to know. “Please be clear. I can get over this,” _ get over you, _goes unsaid, “if that’s what you want.”

“No,” Jeno says, shaking his head. He looks over at Renjun, who nods. “That’s not what we want.”

“We like you too, Nana.” Renjun finally looks back up at Jaemin, expression so open. Jaemin can see every emotion that’s flitting across his face. Warmth blooms in Jaemin’s chest at how much they trust him. “A lot- too much, maybe.”

“Too much to be too scared to let you go now,” Jeno says, shaking his head. 

In all honesty, Jaemin doesn’t know how to react.

He’d imagined it, sure- a world in which Jeno and Renjun wanted him back- but he can’t seem to form words, thoughts slush in his brain, tongue suddenly thick and heavy in his mouth. “You like me?” He repeats, incredulous.

Renjun’s staring at him, expression soft and sweet. “Yeah,” he repeats. Maybe he gets that Jaemin needs to hear it again. Maybe he needs to hear it himself again- either way, it doesn’t matter.

They _ like _him.

“What does this mean?” Jaemin chews on his lower lip. “Does that mean we… could we be-”  
“Boyfriends?” A small smile warms Jeno’s face, tentative but _ there. _Fuck, Jaemin loves his smile, makes him feel warm down to the tips of his toes. “I think we’re halfway there anyway. Doyoung-hyung’s asked me before, if we were all dating.”

Renjun laughs. “Sicheng asked me too. After that night, maybe a month ago, at his party? When we were dancing.”

(Jaemin remembers it like it was yesterday. There had been a party at Sicheng’s courtesy of Yuta in which all of them had gotten pretty drunk. Renjun had wanted to dance, but Jeno was too drunk and collapsed on the couch, shoving him towards Jaemin.

_ Dance with Nana instead, _he’d said, accepting his fate when Donghyuk had latched onto his back and effectively claimed him as his cuddle-hostage for the night. 

Jaemin had been too drunk to tell himself no, not when Renjun had looped their arms together and tugged him into the crowd of people, not when he’d pulled Jaemin too close as they danced, not even when Renjun had complained that he was tired on the walk home and had demanded a piggyback ride before Jaemin could consider the consequences.

Renjun nuzzling the back of his neck had been worth the way his heart had nearly combusted.)

“You really want to be my boyfriends?” So maybe he sounds like a broken record, but his heart’s racing and he can’t help but smile because it all feels so _ unreal- _

“More than anything.” Jeno looks from Renjun to Jaemin, features incredibly soft. 

“Only have for as long as I’ve thought you liked us.” Renjun laughs. “You’re not exactly subtle, Nana. I was trying not to be either."

_ Just kiss them all and see what happens, _Donghyuk’s initial advice, pops into his head.

Suddenly it doesn’t seem like such a bad idea.

“Can I- can we… shit, I don’t know how this is supposed to work, but I really want to kiss you right now.” Jaemin looks from Renjun to Jeno. “Both of you.”

“Okay.” Renjun nods, before turning to Jeno. “Jeno first though, okay?”

It hits Jaemin, in that moment, that he’s never seen Jeno and Renjun kiss.

Kisses on the cheek, sure, and little pecks hello and goodbye when they meet up and part ways while he’s in the room yes, but nothing like _ this. _

Nothing that mattered. 

Jeno cups Renjun’s cheeks with the palms of his hands, holding him so softly, so delicately; the intimacy that passes between them is thick and intense, more so than Jaemin could have imagined.

They move slowly at first. Jeno looks at Renjun like he’s seeing him for the first time- like he wants to observe every inch of his face, every detail of his expression. He looks at Renjun like he’s committing his beauty to memory in a way that Jaemin has only wished he’d be allowed to do. 

Jaemin would have withered under such a look, under such blatant affection, but Renjun has never been one to shy away feelings. No- rather than that he blooms under it, smiles so soft and warm and _ loving _at Jeno. Smiles at him like he’s looking at his entire world.

(Jaemin is far too distracted to think about the look on his own face- doesn’t think of anything other than the rush of affection and love love _ love _that he feels for both of these boys.) 

Renjun loops his arms around Jeno’s neck, his movements languid, careful.

And just like that- they’re kissing.

Jaemin’s breath hitches.

Renjun presses their lips together with purpose, with a familiarity that has shivers trilling up Jaemin’s spine. It’s nothing but chaste- nothing deeper than the softest of kisses, but even seeing just that is so much _ more _than Jaemin could have ever imagined. 

The more that they kiss, the closer they wind up, until their bodies are practically molded together. Renjun’s half on Jeno’s lap, a leg sliding over his thighs, their chests pressed together. One of Jeno’s hands is buried in Renjun’s hair, the other sliding up the back of his shirt, warm fingers pressed against his skin. 

Jaemin hears a whine and hardly registers it- he only realizes, when Jeno and Renjun break apart to turn to him, that it came from his own lips.

It feels a little bit like all the air in the room’s gone cold, filled with an electricity that pricks at Jaemin’s fingertips, that leaves him aching for _ something, _but far too afraid to do anything other than tremble.

It’s Renjun that moves first. 

He detaches himself from Jeno so incredibly slowly. Slides his hands off his shoulders, traces his way down Jeno’s arms on his descent before he rises to his feet.

It feels like both an instant and an eternity, the time it takes for Renjun to cross the threshold of their living room and slip into one of the spaces next to Jaemin.

Jaemin holds his breath, unable to think or move or _ breathe _as Jeno approaches him too, sitting on his other side, effectively crowding him in.

“Don’t pout.” Renjun smiles, reaching forward to brush his thumb along Jaemin’s lower lip, smoothing out the downturn of his lips. "You'll get a turn."

Jaemin has to bite his cheek to hold back his smile.

“Are you- are you sure?” Jaemin breathes, eyes flicking between Renjun’s eyes and his lips before cautiously looking over at Jeno on his other side. It’s overwhelming, Renjun on one side of him and Jeno on the other, Renjun’s thigh pressed against his, Jeno’s fingers resting on the nape of Jaemin’s neck. Overwhelming how he feels so caged in, but also so _ good- _so safe. 

He breathes in deep, swallowing down the lump forming in his throat when Renjun nods. 

“So…” Jeno looks from Jaemin to Renjun, holding out his hand seriously. “Rock paper scissors to see who gets to kiss him first?”

Just like that, all the tension in the atmosphere snaps and Jaemin can’t hold back the smile that warms his features.

God, he really, _ really _likes them.

Renjun grins back at him, hand delicate next to Jeno’s. “You’re on.”

(Renjun wins.

Jeno doesn’t complain, just presses a brief kiss to the corner of Renjun’s mouth first.)

Jaemin’s heart races as Renjun slides closer to him. He’s so, _ so _pretty- soft features that Jaemin wants to get lost in. His eyes flick from Jaemin’s own down to his lips, intent clear.

The moment that Renjun starts to move, Jaemin is hit with a wave of anxiety- everything is about to change and he’s _ scared. _

But Renjun kisses him and it all melts away. 

Kissing Renjun feels like being a piece of a puzzle that couldn’t quite fit until he nestles himself between Jeno and Renjun, locking in with a satisfying _ click. _

Renjun kisses soft, and sweet, almost tentative in the way that he lets Jaemin set the pace. He loops his arms around Jaemin’s shoulders, fingers threading through his hair as they kiss.

It only takes Jaemin a moment to open up and completely melt into the kiss.

He wraps his arms around Renjun, trying to pull him as close as possible, wanting to feel every inch of him, wanting to burn the taste of him into his brain so that he’ll never forget it. Jaemin moves to deepen the kiss but before he can Renjun’s pulling away, pecking his nose in apology for breaking the kiss. 

Jaemin only gets a moment to breathe before Renjun’s shifted away and his attention is pulled in the other direction. 

Kissing Jeno is different.

It’s a bit strange, staring at each other with such intent, so many emotions, because Jeno’s always been Jaemin’s best friend.

Ever since they were kids, Jeno’s been there.

(Maybe Jaemin’s always been a little in love with him, he realizes, looking at Jeno’s smile.)

“Don’t be nervous.” Jeno reaches up, cupping Jaemin’s cheek in the palm of his hand, thumb brushing comforting circles on his skin. “Just remember that I was there after you had your first kiss, and you made Yerim’s lip bleed. You can only go up from there.”

Jaemin pouts. “We’re about to have our first kiss and you remind me of Yerim. Stop talking and kiss me.”

“Are you always going to be this needy?” Jeno teases, but before Jaemin can whine out a response, he leans in and presses their lips together.

(It’s even better than Jaemin could have imagined.)

They kiss for what feels like forever. 

Jeno’s an amazing kisser, and he’s not shy about it. He deepens the kiss almost immediately, hands slipping up and down Jaemin’s back, his shoulders and his arms, almost desperate in the way that he wants to feel Jaemin. It makes Jaemin feel small and vulnerable, but when it’s with Jeno… he finds that he doesn’t mind much letting himself be taken care of.

They pull away from each other, breathless, but Jaemin doesn’t get much of a reprieve- Renjun is kissing Jeno again, climbing properly onto Jaemin’s lap so that they can all reach one another.

Jaemin kisses Jeno, and he kisses Renjun, and Renjun and Jeno kiss each other, over and over, promises whispered between them, so much affection, so much love.

They kiss until they can’t anymore, until they end up in a heap on the couch, limbs all tangled together. Jaemin’s brimming with laughter and once he starts, Renjun and Jeno follow suit, laughing as they grab on to each other and hold_ on. _

If there are words to explain how he’s feeling, Jaemin can’t find them. But it doesn’t feel like he needs to- Jeno tugs him onto his lap, tucks him against his shoulder and Renjun cuddles up to his side and they just _ fit. _

(It’s unconventional, sure, but when has Jaemin ever been _ normal?) _

But because Renjun isn’t afraid to voice his feelings, he whispers, “I’m kind of scared.”

Jaemin’s always envied this about Renjun. He knows how to talk about what he’s feeling- Jaemin thinks he has a thing or two (or twenty) to learn from him. 

“Me too,” Jaemin admits, Jeno’s warm breaths still tickling the side of his face. “What are we doing?”

Jeno’s hand finds his, and he feels him slide his other hand across Jaemin’s lap to reach for Renjun. Renjun takes the hint, delicate fingers finding Jaemin’s free hand, palm warm.

“Figuring it out,” Jeno chooses, squeezing both of their hands. “Together.”

Jaemin’s not sure his heart’s ever felt quite so full. 

* * *

to: jisungie

hey brat

guess who has TWO boyfriends now 

from: jisungie

wow 

what are renjun-hyung and jeno-hyung thinking 

they’re way out of your league

hey

answer me

oh my god you’re making out with them right now aren’t you 

that’s disgusting and i hate you 

(i love u pls call me soon)

  
  
****

* * *

If they couldn’t handle laser tag, Jaemin has _ no idea _why Taeyong thought that they could handle another go at paintball.

But here they are- a glorified rematch, a round two, a head-to-head battle to the death.

(Or well it _ seems _like it with how seriously Donghyuk is taking this all. Not that Jeno is any better, the two at their most competitive as soon as you put them on opposing teams.

Jaemin’s just along for the ride.)

It’s been a long time since they’ve managed to get everyone together like this, but somehow Taeyong managed to convince everyone to show up. And by everyone, it’s really _ everyone. _

Jaemin’s wound up on a team with Jeno, Yuta, Yangyang, Jaehyun, Taeil, Kun, Johnny (Taeyong, of course, told Johnny everything that went down in the café- and Johnny had laughed when they’d met, but they’ve actually grown pretty close now), Chenle and Guanheng. On the opposing is Donghyuk, Renjun (who had complained when Jaemin and Jeno got to be together but he was stuck with Donghyuk), Sicheng, Dejun, Jungwoo, Taeyong, Ten, Jisung, Mark, Yukhei and Doyoung.

Needless to say, it’s kind of a mess.

But Jaemin wouldn’t have it any other way.

One hour in and Mark’s taken a paintball to the face resulting in a lot of babying from both Yukhei and Donghyuk, Sicheng’s been hit so many times he’s given up and is sitting with Ten off to the side by the picnic benches sipping what probably isn’t water out of a water bottle, Johnny, Jaehyun, Jeno and Guanheng are being way too competitive as they engage in an all-out war, Taeyong and Kun have taken a break to start to organize snacks, Taeil and Jungwoo are hiding perched up in a tree shooting down at unsuspecting victims and Yukhei and Chenle are caught in a loop of trying to hit each other, missing terribly, laughing and yelling at each other in Mandarin.

All in all, it’s kind of perfect.

Jeno finally succumbed to Renjun and Donghyuk’s pleas to let them dye his hair and Jaemin is _ dying. _

Not only did they dye his hair _ blonde _ but Renjun also shaved the sides. His undercut is hot and feels so _ soft. _ Jaemin can’t help but cling to Jeno's back to run his fingers through the short, soft strands on the side of his head, loving how they feel beneath his fingertips.

“Jaemin, please, I’m trying to _ concentrate,” _Jeno whispers when Jaemin corners him again, hands in his hair, lips pressed to the back of his neck.

Jaemin pouts. “Jaemin?” He parrots, pouting at the use of his actual name.

Jeno sighs. _ “Baby,” _he chooses instead and Jaemin just about astral projects to the fucking moon.

(Jeno, as it turns out, loves pet names. Jaemin’s gotten used to never hearing his own name anymore- he’s still _ Nana _ in public, but when they’re texting or it’s just the three of them, it’s all honey that drips from Jeno’s lips. _ Baby _is Jaemin’s favourite.)

Jeno uses Jaemin’s moment of surprise to weasel out from underneath him. He turns briefly, hesitates when he sees Jaemin’s surprised face, and leans in to brush their lips together for just the _ tiniest _moment.

Then he’s gone, and Jaemin’s reeling.

(His heart’s never going to get used to that, is it?)

A laugh from behind has Jaemin crashing out of fantasy land along with the sharp blast of a paint ball on his back. He turns, affronted, only to see Dejun smiling back at him.

Dejun smiles at him. They haven’t gotten much of a chance to hang out since everything’s gone down- they’ve both been busy, but it’s nice to see him. The feeling seems mutual, as Dejun grins and says, “I’m glad to see that you’ve worked things out.”

“Yeah,” Jaemin smiles, chewing on his lower lip. It’s not like the three of them sat down all of their friends to tell them _ hey, we’re polyamorous now! _ but they definitely don’t hide it. Jaemin likes that. “Thanks. What about you? Is there anything you’ve got _ your _eye on?”

Dejun hums, looking across the field at a group of their friends squabbling. Doyoung’s laughing after getting Yuta on the back, Yangyang’s dancing around an obstacle trying to get Jaehyun, and amidst it all, Renjun’s doing his best to avoid getting hit, hiding underneath a large tree. 

“Maybe, but we’ll see how it plays out.” He laughs when Renjun squeals, rolling out of the way to avoid a shot from Taeil. “You should go and save him.”

Jaemin stands up straighter, brushing some dirt off his shoulder. “I will.” He turns to Dejun and smiles. “By the way, I’ve been wanting to say thanks.”

“Thanks?” Dejun tilts his head, confused. “What for?”

“You breaking up with me was kind of the push I needed to stop denying all.. This.” He waves his hands in lieu of explanation. “And now I have the two cutest boyfriends alive, so that’s a pretty big win in my books.”

“Ugh. Watch that ego of yours. It’s already too big to fit in regular doorways,” Dejun teases, rolling his eyes. Jaemin turns to go and rescue Renjun, freezing when Dejun shoots him in the back- _ again. _

“My fee.” Dejun snorts a laugh, turning to dash away when Jaemin tries to chase him.

By the time that Jaemin makes it to Renjun, he’s been painted a pretty picture of colours. Renjun smiles when he sees him approaching, lowering his paintball gun immediately in favour of reaching out for Jaemin’s hand.

“Art,” Renjun decides, stepping back and framing his hands in front of his face like a camera. _ “Abstract _art.”

“How have you barely been hit?” Jaemin wonders. He only has one big splotch of paint on one leg, a bright shade of yellow against his grey sweatpants. 

“The one time it comes in handy to be small and able to hide well.” Renjun doesn’t seem bothered though, and attaches himself to Jaemin in a hug.

It reminds him a lot of just a few short months ago, when they’d gone out to play laser tag. Only this time he’s not trying to control his racing heartbeat, and he’s not trying to deny his feelings-

He wants to press a kiss to Renjun’s pretty lips, and he can, so he _ does. _

Renjun squeaks a little in surprise but kisses back, soft and sweet. He pulls away, grinning. “What was that for?”

“You’re cute,” he says, because it’s true, and he loves the way Renjun blushes pink.

A fake-gag from Donghyuk, who’s spotted the couple from where he’s been hiding with Mark, trying to ambush anyone who walks in their path. 

(Jaemin has no idea what’s going on with them- Mark, Yukhei and Donghyuk have all seemed closer than ever, but Jaemin’s learned that relationships can be complicated, and they aren’t always easy to sort out, so he isn’t asking any questions. Donghyuk will tell him when he’s ready.)

“Disgusting,” Donghyuk says, shaking his head. “And Injunnie! You are on _ our _team! Why haven’t you shot him?!” 

Renjun turns back to him, flashing him that cheeky smile of his. “You’re one to talk, Hyuckie. How about we talk about how you-”  
“-Okay, everyone that’s enough! The food is ready!” It’s Taeyong, calling from where Kun’s finished setting out all the food they’ve brought and Taeyong’s barbequed up enough meat to feed an army.

Donghyuk is spared, and Jaemin puts an arm around Renjun to lead him over to find somewhere to sit, sitting down at an empty picnic table.

Renjun tucks himself further against Jaemin, gripping the front of his shirt to pull him down and into a kiss.

As it turns out, Renjun and Jeno didn’t engage in much skinship because Jeno gets shy in public.

Renjun, on the other hand?

Jeno makes a face as he sits down next to them. “I should have thought about how shameless both of you are before we started dating. Is it too late to take it all back?”

Jaemin presses one last kiss to Renjun’s lips, loving how he can feel Renjun grin against him. “Yes, Jeno. Sorry. Plus, you have no problem _ watching _us make out, so I don’t know who you’re trying to fool.”

When he turns to look at him, Jaemin can see that Jeno’s blushing, the tips of his ears and his cheeks dusted with pink.

_ Cute. _

Renjun, unperturbed, leans in for one last kiss, lips warm and slick and tasting of the cherry lip balm that Ten turned him onto. “You can join anytime, Jeno,” he teases, turning to flash Jeno a cheeky smile. 

Jeno looks a little like he’d rather a hole open up in the Earth and swallow him whole when he notices their hyungs watching, gossiping amongst each other and laughing.

Renjun’s hair is dark again after he let it fade out and decided that at least one of them should have normal hair. It’s grown a bit long, long enough for Jaemin to tuck a few strands behind his ear, sending him a smile.

“You’re right, you know.” Jaemin turns to Jeno to see him flush again. “I do… like it.” He clears his throat. “Like you two.”

Renjun reaches across the table to find Jeno’s hand and squeeze it, his other hand pressing against Jaemin’s, their fingers linking together. 

Donghyuk drops a plate down on the table across from them, rolling his eyes. “Okay kids, that’s enough! I already walked in on the three of you defiling our couch last night. Cut me some slack.”

Renjun rolls his eyes while Jeno sputters. “We were just kissing, Hyuck.”

“Yes, and our poor, poor couch had to watch. She’s seen some things now.” He chews on a piece of pork. “Dark things.”

“What are we talking about?” Yukhei asks, sitting down next to Donghyuk. Mark is quick to join on his other side.

“Jeno, Renjun and Jaemin defiling my house,” Donghyuk deadpans.

_ “Okaaay,” _Mark coughs, face red, vehemently ignoring Jungwoo sitting down next to him and demanding to know what he’s missed. 

Jaemin just laughs. 

His life might be a little different, a little strange and unconventional now, but he’s never felt so surrounded by love.

He wouldn’t change it for the world.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> If you can, I'd really appreciate it if you left a comment letting me know what you thought. I'd also love to write a fic for Hyuck/Lucas/Mark figuring out their situation, as well as a background story for Taeyong, Ten and Johnny, and some for other characters in this universe. If you'd like to read any of those, or if you'd like to read more Norenmin, please let me know below! I really appreciate hearing your thoughts.
> 
> Also, there IS a literal chart drawn out by my roommate and I for this universe connecting all the characters. Check it out [here](https://twitter.com/justtruffle/status/1145117530983321600?s=20) if you're curious!
> 
> Come talk to me on twitter: [@justtruffle](https://twitter.com/justtruffle)!


End file.
